Split decision - GL life: ask lucky

Girls' Life, Dec, 2003 by Laura Sandler

My mom recently told me she is going to leave my dad after I graduate high school. She said she doesn't love him anymore and thinks marrying him was a mistake! I wish she hadn't told me this. I guess I should accept it, but I'm still freaked out. Is there anything I can do to calm myself?

Wow--too much information. No wonder you're freaked. It's great for moms and daughters to be close, but adult probs should not be dumped on kids' shoulders. Now that you know about your mom's plans, though, you have to deal with the bummer situation you're in. First, let her know you don't want to hear any more of her negative feelings about your dad. If she feels the urge to spill her guts again, recommend that she speak to one of her friends instead. Second, I suggest you talk to a school guidance counselor or other adult you trust so you can air your feelings. That's way too huge of a secret to carry around by yourself.

My "best" friend forgot my birthday and still hasn't said anything about it. I'm really hurt deep down, but I have a tendency to always say, "Oh, it doesn't matter." But it does. What should I say when (or if) she remembers?

Ouch. Your birthday isn't a national holiday, but you definitely expect your BFF to remember the day that's all about you--and to help you celebrate and make a big fuss. That's one of the things best friends are great for. Is there a reason she might have spaced on the big day? Maybe something in her life--like a problem at home--has her mind preoccupied. While it wouldn't necessarily be an excuse, at least it could explain it a little. Still, her forgetfulness hurt your feelings, so don't say, "I shouldn't worry about it." Is she usually thoughtful and considerate of you, or does she have a track record of thinking only of herself? If you decide she's worth keeping as a friend, go ahead and remind her of the little date that passed her by. Let her know you're bugged, and give her the opportunity to make it up to you. If she seems truly apologetic, let it go--until next year, that is!

My parents are divorced, and my mom does not like my dad's side of the family. Whenever I talk about them, she gets upset. She doesn't want me to visit them. I've tried talking to her, but we just argue. I want to spend time with my dad's family this holiday. Help!

Does U2's "Stuck in the Middle" come to mind? While it might be hard for your morn to hear about the time you spend with the other side of your family, you shouldn't have to choose between one or the other. If you can't talk about this without a big blowout, write her a letter explaining how you feel. Let her know that you understand divorce is hard on everyone but that you need to spend time with both sides of your family. Ask her to sit down with you and a calendar to figure out how you can fairly divide your time. Maybe you can spend Christmas or Hanukkah with your mom's side, and celebrate the New Year with your dad's. Or do Christmas Eve with Dad and Christmas Day with Mom. Oh, and one last thing. Consider your mom's feelings when you return from visits with your dad. You really don't have to go on and on about what a great time you had with the people she clearly doesn't like.

My BF and I recently broke up because he said I'm difficult to get along with. Afterward, he said he'd like to spend time with me to decide whether or not he wants to go out again. But since then, he won't talk to me and ignores me at school. I miss him because he means the world to me and is my best friend, but I am tired of waiting.

Hmm, mixed messages. Whether your BF has made up his mind or not, it's unfair of him to ignore you. Let him know you want to talk privately. Do it when you catch him alone or by e-mail, not in front of his crew (or yours). If he agrees to talk, discuss ways you can both get along better. Maybe you were difficult in the past, and perhaps he could do things differently too. If not, move on. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to be your boyfriend.