Wanted: One BFF: Surrounded by bundles of buds, but feel like something spesh is missing?

Girls' Life, Dec, 2001 by Sharon Schatz Rosenthal

You had the best time at your friend Clara's Christmas soiree. But when the party's over, it's always the same old story. Ashley splits with Jessica, Liz sleeps over Courtney's, and you head...home. Alone. Sure, you've got loads of friends. But the plain truth is you're the only one without an ultimate BFF.

THE SOLO SCENE

Even though your buds are super great, sometimes you feel like an outcast. Like in gym, you usually have to partner with someone you don't even know. But it's not just that--you want someone to keep your deepest secrets. You know, one BEF who knows exactly what you're thinking even before you say it. Seems life would be perfecto if only you had that one best bud.

YOU'RE SO NOT THE ONLY ONE!

Newsflash! Lots of girls actually don't have one BFF--and like it that way. The truth is, having one best bud can be limiting. Says Sara, 13, "Sometimes, other girls in my group just assume I have plans with my BFF--and I miss out on group outings. Christina, 11, says, "Lots of friends means more advice, more laughs, more ideas and more invites." Kelsey, 14, thinks a group of good friends is definitely the way to go: "There are six of us, and everyone brings a different personality to the group. If you rely on one friend, you really miss out on a lot."

Molly, 12, used to have one best friend but decided it wasn't working for her. "My friend and I were having problems, and I couldn't figure out why," she remembers. "Then I realized I was so caught up in being another girl's 'best friend' that I forgot about my other friends." The benefits of having many good buds rather than one super tight one are bountiful--more phone pals, more clothes to borrow, more shoulders to cry on, more study buddies, more fun!

STAR SEARCH

If you still think you're in dire need of a BFF, ask yourself some questions: Are your friends giving you enough emotional support? Do you feel left out all the time, or just when it's time to pick lab partners? Figure out what's bugging you. Once you uncover why you yearn for one special BFF, the situation should become crystal clear. Maybe you'll realize you've already got fabu friends.

Or (gulp!) maybe you'll realize your friends aren't so great after all. If you choose to continue your BFF quest, here are some things to ponder.

* Are you committed to commitment? Best friends take work! Are you up to it? Are you able to be ultra-supportive? Ready to deal with potential pitfalls and BFF dilemmas? If you answer a hearty, "Yes!," go forth and find your friend, my friend. You just can't forget to stay true to your other gal pals, too.

* How about the girls you already hang with? Who always makes you smile? Who loves Josh Hartnett as much as you do? Who goes out of her way to make sure you're invited o every party? Certainly, one girl stands a bit above the rest. Maybe your BFF is in plain sight!

* BFF material isn't right under your nose? You might have to branch out beyond the confines of comfort and familiarity. Sit at a different lunch table for one week. Join a new club. Take an art class outside of school. If you belong to a church or synagogue, see if there's a youth group you can check out. Be brave. Get out there and eet new gals!

* Are you trying too hard? You can't force a friendship, especially a best friendship. "Picking" a best friend isn't like shopping for this season's new pea coat. Deep friendships develop over time and through shared experiences. They don't just--poof!--happen overnight. So be patient, and don't push it.

THE BOTTOM LINE

If you still feel like you're missing out, stop obsessing. You could find the perfect BFF when you least expect it. Or you might stumble across so many potential BFFs that you're back to square one. Who knows? But, like we said, having gobs of great friends isn't such a bad thing. Quite the opposite, in fact. By having bunches of buds, you can count on many girls at different times.

Truth be told, "BFF" is really just a label anyway. And, hey, whoever said the Friend in BFF can't be plural? Best Friends Forever. Hmm, nice ring to it.