I Quit!

Girls' Life, Dec, 2001 by Jodi Lynn Bryson

You've tried your hardest. You've gone the extra mile (or 10). But you still can't get any satisfaction. Give up? Not you! You're not bailing. Well, maybe you should. Yep. Sometimes when the going gets tough, the tough...need to quit.

Know a quitter? Someone who just gives up? Quitters bail regardless of responsibility, commitment or timing, right? "What a loser," we all scoff "She doesn't know how to stick it out or toughen up." Sounds pretty harsh when you think about it. Maybe that's why quitting gets such a bad rap.

But what if we say quitting isn't always the nasty, negative Q-word it's cracked up to be? Could quitting have a positive side? So its plusses are less publicized. But sometimes quitting is right -- the smart, mature and healthful thing to do.

The decision to stick with it or quit it (or, as we prefer to think of it depart smart) isn't always an easy one to make. It can be quite complicated -- especially if you're a conscientious and determined go-get-'em gal. That's why we plunked down five common dilemmas that could keep you up. at night wondering, "Should I quit, or shouldn't I?" You just might find that your list of New Year's resolutions ought to itemize a few adios-inspired solutions.

#1 CANCEL A CRUSH?

"I've liked this guy Tim, who plays centerfield on our school's baseball team, since last year," confesses Allison, 13, who spends hours writing "Tim" on notebook paper while day-dreaming about this boy who's never even blinked at her. "By Homecoming, I was so sick of just thinking about him that I decided I would say 'hi.' I wore my new pink pleather pants I was saving for the holiday dance and 'accidentally' bumped into him in the hall. He looked at me. Then his eyes moved down to my pink pants, and he asked, 'Are you trying to be Barbie or something?' It was mean, but I said, 'You're a good baseball player.' Then he said, 'Baseball doesn't even start until March.' Then he just walked away."

Call it quits? [check]Yes []No []Maybe

Well, the answer to this quit question should be glaringly obvious. Stop crushing on this dope! Sure, easier said than done--especially if you've spent an entire year gazing at and dreaming of your crush. Shattered fantasies stink. And crushes aren't always easy to flip on and off like a light switch.

When thinking about giving up a crush, line up all the facts and compare them to the fiction. Why does Allison like Tim? He's cute. But he's not nice, and he doesn't seem to like her back. His response isn't one of a shy, crushing guy--he's a jerk. So what Allison really has is a cute boy who's rude to her. Well, that's worth about...nothing.

Calling it quits on a crush can be tough, especially if it took forever to work up the nerve to approach him. And if he reacts like a rat? Ouch! That hurts. So why hang on for a bumpy ride right to heartbreak city? In a sitch like this, you've got the green light to quit!

#2 TERMINATE TEAM TIME?

"I go out for basketball every season, even though I always end up playing third string," says Laura, 13. "During the third week of basketball this year, I was struggling to finish a timed mile and suddenly this bulb lit up in my head. It was like, 'This isn't fun anymore. I want to quit.' I mean, to tell the truth, it s embarrassing. I'm not exactly an asset to the team, you know? I prefer reading and writing anyway."

Call it quits? []Yes []NO [check]Maybe

Winning or losing aside, sports are supposed to be fun. Laura isn't having fun or getting good vibes from being part of this particular team. It takes practice to get good at sports so you do need to give it a fair shot and hang in there for a reasonable time.

Laura could ask her coach for tips on improving her free throws and jump shots. If, after giving it her best try for a couple weeks, she still feels embarrassed and bummed, Laura could bail from basketball--knowing she gave it her all.

Because Laura figured out the real prob--that she doesn't even like basketball--she should be guilt-free. Now she's got extra time to spend writing, which she loves. Never feel pressured to do something that doesn't do it for you just because you feel like you should. Your time could be better spent doing something that doesn't deflate your self-confidence every time the whistle blows.

#3 PASS ON PARENTAL PRESSURE?

"My mom loves piano, so she paid for me to take 10 lessons," says Debbie, 13. "I'm really not into piano at all--dancing and sewing are more my thing. Plus, my fingers are really short, so it's hard to hit the keys. At lessons, I usually think about other things I could be doing besides playing "Michael, Row Your Boat Ashore" and "Three Blind Mice." I tried telling Mom I don't like it, but she thinks I should learn piano. Last week, I lied and said I was going but didn't. When my mom finds out, I'm going to be in big trouble. Still, I don't want to go this week either."

Call it quits? [check]Yes []No []Maybe

Lots of parents want their kids to learn how to play an instrument, ride a horse or master gymnastics. Most likely, they just want to help you find an activity you like--and something they like you doing. But it's not always that simple. Lots of times, our talents and interests aren't exactly the same as our parents'. And lessons aren't free, so exploring something new can get costly--leaving you feeling guilty for not getting the most out of them.