Holiday dress code - Life

Girls' Life, Dec, 2002 by Laura Sandler

My grandma is so old-fashioned. I have a new spaghetti-strap dress I want to wear to our family Christmas party. My mom doesn't object, but my grandma says it's inappropriate and offends her. Should I ignore my grandmother or what?

Grandparents are great, but they do tend to be a little behind the times. You don't want to hurt your grandma's feelings, though, so talk to her instead of ignoring her. Let her know your mom approves of your style and that there's a big duff between spaghetti straps and Christina Aguilera's outfit on MTV's Video Music Awards 2002. Go for a compromise--like wear the dress with a wrap or little cardigan. If Grandma won't budge, save the dress for New Year's Eve when it will be appreciated!

My BFF is going through a lot with her family. She's been really down and never wants to hang out anymore. She says, "Maybe it'd be better if I weren't even here." It freaks me out, and I'm scared. What should I do?

You can't fix her family's sitch, but what you can do is be there for her. Withdrawal, depression and suicidal comments are signs that she needs professional help. Recommend that she talk to a teacher, counselor, doctor or other trusted adult. Offer to go with her if it'd make her feel better. If she disses the suggestion, you tell a trusted adult what she said. In this case, telling someone isn't being disloyal to your friend--it's sometimes necessary to break confidence to ensure a friend's well-being. Meanwhile, show her you care by letting her talk when she needs to, suggesting fun activities to do together and reminding her you value your friendship. P.S.--Anyone in need of immediate help with feelings of depression or suicide can call the Covenant House hotline at 1-800-999-9999. This call is free, anonymous and won't appear on your phone bill.

This girl at school makes fun of me and even hits me. I've told her to stop, but she won't. I'm fed up with it. How can I fight back?

Verbal abuse and physical harassment are not to be tolerated. Don't ever feel you deserve this treatment or that it's your fault. This girl treats you poorly because of her own insecurities, but she can't be allowed to continue harassing you. Since you've asked her to stop and she won't, you need to let someone else know what's going on. Talk to your principal, guidance counselor or teacher. Also, make sure your parents know what's happening. Being mistreated is no small matter, and no one should put up with it.

I just made varsity basketball, and I'm the only freshman. I don't know the other girls, and they treat me like I'm invisible. They don't talk to me, and I never have a partner for drills. I usually dribble with the coach. It hurts my feelings. What can I do?

Congrats on making varsity! Too bad the other girls are dampening your achievement. But you don't have to let it be that way. Over time, as you practice and play together more, you'll get to know them better and feel more involved in the team dynamics. For now, make small talk in the locker room or ask someone to be your drill partner. While it might seem hard at first, being friendly can go a long way. If things don't change, talk to your coach. Maybe she can assign partners for drills or let the team captain know you feel left our.

This guy at school totally likes me even though I don't like him. I've told him I have a BF, but he won't stop following me. He always stares at me and tries to talk to me. How can I get this guy to leave me alone?

Some guys just don't get it. This obsessive attention is totally inappropriate. Unfortunately, you can't just program this pest like a TiVo. Try repeating to him one more time that you have a BF and that he needs to stop following you. Tell him firmly that you're bothered by his unwanted attention. If he doesn't get the message, get an adult to speak with him. This boy's behavior is not good for either of you, and a teacher or parent can put a stop to it if need be.