Dear Carol - dating and life advice for teenage girls

Girls' Life, April, 2002

Carol Weston

I like this guy a lot, but he's 13 and in eighth grade. I'm 32 and in sixth. He likes me too. I've never had a BF before. Is he too old for me? Am I too young to have a BF at all?

Dear Carol,

Preteen in Distress

Not necessarily. But since you feel distressed, it sounds like you're not ready to have a BF. No prob! Don't talk yourself into it if you'd rather keep things friendly. If he asks, tell him you like him but aren't ready for a relationship. If you do go out with this guy, remember that it's OK to hold hands but not kiss, or kiss but only kiss. Never do things you don't want to do with a guy. After all, having a BF isn't supposed to make you feel uptight or uneasy. Just happy.

Dear Preteen,

Dear Carol,

I went out with my first BF for three months, but he broke up with me. I still really like him. He knows how I feel, but he won't even talk to me. Actually, he's going out with someone else now. How do I get him to like me again?

Sad

Dear Sad,

Sorry you're bummed. This may sound harsh, but...since he has moved on, you should, too. He was your first boyfriend, not your last. Talk to other guys, and have a sleepover with the girls. Hang with people who like your company instead of dwelling on a fool who doesn't.

Dear Carol,

I'm 12 and very furry. My fingers, my nose, even my ears have dark hair! If I didn't secretly pluck my eyebrows, I'd have a unibrow. I'm uncomfortable in bikinis or tiny tops because my stomach hair shows, My mom won't let me bleach it, and I don't know what to do.

Hairy Mess

Dear Hairy,

We're mammals, so we all have fuzz--even on our ears and fingers. I doubt yours is as noticeable as you think. As for feeling uncomfortable in certain clothes, many girls do--whether it's because of hair, weight, breast size or just self-consciousness. Remind yourself what you like most about your body and choose clothes you feel good in. If the hair continues to bug you, ask your mom again about bleaching, waxing or depilatories.

Dear Carol,

My cousin is 18 and just had a babty girl. The father is 22, and she hasn't seen him since they were together, I feel really uncomfortable around her.

Uncomfortable

Dear Uncomfortable,

I don't blame you for feeling uneasy. Next time you're with your cuz, talk about the tot--how cute she is, how often she wakes up at night, whether she can sit up yet. If you loved your cousin before, you can love her now...and her baby, too. That said, it's never ideal when a teen has a child and even more complicated when the daddy pulls a disappearing act. Caring for a baby (and then raising a toddler, child, preteen and teen) takes maturity and money. Your cousin's carefree days are over, but what's done is done. Accept it. Help your cousin out by offering to watch the baby while she takes a bubble bath. BTW, even though relatives might coo over the newborn, be aware that they, like you, might have mixed feelings. Why not talk about it together?

Dear Carol,

This guy thinks he's in love with me, but I hate him. What should I do?

Clueless

Dear Clueless,

Don't be mean to the poor guy. So he has good taste. Hate is a brain drain. Can't you just ignore him? He probably already realizes his chances with you are slim, so he'll move on soon enough.

Dear Carol,

A totally untrue, nasty rumor is going around about me and a guy I hardly know and don't like. I'm really upset.

Nasty Rumor

Dear Rumor,

I understand you're upset. But, believe me, the rumor will fade as fast as it started, especially since it's not true and involves a guy you don't even hang out with. Serious people don't take rumors seriously. If you can't ignore the rumor while it evaporates, ask your best buds to help defend your reputation. But be warned--this sometimes keeps gossipers gabbing even longer. For now, hold your head high and be seen in a positive light--perhaps on stage, in class or on the field. Don't let a stupid rumor squash your confidence.

Dear Carol,

How can I go about asking a guy out? I've liked this guy forever, but I'm scared to say, "Ya free Saturday night?"

Ready

Dear Ready,

Sometimes, fear is your friend. Unless you and this dude are doing some serious flirting and he's giving you a bright green light, it could be risky to ask him out. You don't want to put him on the spot, and he might need time to evaluate his feelings--and whether or not he's willing to make them public. A safe way to ask a guy out is something like, "Will you be at Stephanie's party this weekend?" This shows him you're into him, but in a discreet way. You could also say, "Some of us are going bowling tomorrow. Wanna go?" Of course, if you want to go for broke, you can ask, "Wanna take in a movie Friday night?" He might say, "Sure." Or he might say, "Sorry." If he declines, do not--I repeat, do not--say, "Then how about Saturday or Sunday or next weekend or the weekend after that?" You want to seem interested, not desperate. Oh, and make sure you've talked to your parents about going out. It would be pretty embarrassing if your crush said, "Sure," but your parents say, "No way!" One other thing: You ask, you should offer to pick up the tab.