Guilt trip - GL Life

Girls' Life, April, 2002 by Alexis Sinex

I'm 14 and my parents are overprotective. I'm not allowed to have a BF and I feel guilty because live been seeing a guy. Row can't tell my parents in a way that won't make them totally treak out?

Figure out a good time to talk with your parents--like on a leisurely Saturday, not right when they get off work. Tell them you're ready for more freedom. Remind them you're a responsible gal--you're always home by curfew, and you take out the trash without being told. (Um...you do, right? If not, shape up!) Explain that you've been spending time with someone you like. Tell them how nice the guy is and that you'd like their permission to go out on group dates. Assure them it's nothing serious and that you don't want to keep secrets from them. If they're sticklers and still aren't sold, remember they're just looking out for you. It's tough for some parents to watch their "babies" grow up, so go easy on them. Why not invite your BF to dinner so they can meet him? Be patient, stay calm and, hopefully, they'll be willing to compromise.

My folks are divorced, and my mom has custody of me. But my dad always asks me to live with him when I'm older. If I do, I'll have to change schools and leave my friends. Plus, I'll miss my mom. But I'm afraid to hurt my dad's feelings. What can I do?

I totally understand that you don't want to give up your friends and familiar surroundings. If you're happy where you are, tell Dad. Not living with your dad doesn't mean you don't love him, and it doesn't even mean you don't want to live with him--it just means you're doing what's best for yourself right now. Explain how much you love your school and friends. Tell him you love him, too, and that you're psyched he wants you to live with him but that you'd rather stay with your mom. Suggest more time together, like going out during the week instead of just on weekends. Maybe you two could take a trip. What about living with him for the summer? You might even discover Dad lives in a pretty cool place and has fun neighbors. But you should never feel like you have to do something you're not comfy doing just to make someone else happy--even if that someone is dear old Dad. He wants his girl to be happy and, if that means staying with Mom, he'll understand.

Greg and I have been friends since kindergarten. He has a new GF, and she invades our space. He's also been acting different. I'm afraid of losing him. What should I do?

Chances are he has no clue you feel neglected--guys can be oblivious about this stuff. So, tell him you miss him and, for whatever reason, you feel he's acting different. Acknowledge that you want him to be happy and that you're glad he has a girlfriend. Tell him you value the friendship and would love it if you two could spend some solo time together like you used to. But also say it would be cool to hang with him and his girl sometimes--that way, he shouldn't be uncomfortable inviting you to tag along once in a while. Be nice to him and his GF. If you're friendly toward her (and not too friendly with him), they should be OK with you. Whatever you do, don't end the friendship because you'll probably be around longer than she will--but keep that one to yourself! If you're sincere, he should make adjustments to fit you into his schedule.

My BFF and I have been friends for seven years, but I'm not sure I want to be friends with her anymore. We don't have anything in common, like I'm on the track team, and she's not. Should I ditch her or stick with it?

Just because you're not on the same team doesn't mean you have nothing in common! Most pairs don't share every single interest--how dull! If it's just track you don't share, what's the big deal? Aren't you guys into other stuff, like gabbing on the phone, Rollerblading or going to the movies? You must share some things if you've been buds for seven years. However, if you find yourselves sitting in silence, breaking plans with each other and feeling bored, then it might be time to loosen the friendship reins. You don't have to dump her, but you also don't have to force a best friendship that isn't there. Acknowledge your differences, but stay on friendly terms. There's nothing like an old pal!