HELP!

Girls' Life, June, 2001 by Carol Weston

Dear Carol,

My BFF is a guy, and I've known him forever. We were watching a video in his den, and he tried to kiss me. I don't want to kiss anyone, especially my bud!

Dear Not Ready,

--Not Ready to Smooch

Tell your friend, perhaps on the phone, that you like him as a best friend, not a boyfriend, and that you don't have any desire to kiss anyone yet. Tell him you don't want to lose your friendship but that you won't feel comfortable being around him if he keeps acting fresh. For a while, you may want to see him outside rather than inside. Meet him for Rollerbiading in the park instead of movies in the dark. If he doesn't respect your feelings and keeps going for smooches, you may need a new BFF.

Dear Carol,

I am II. I went to the doctor to get a physical for sleepaway camp. The doctor says I'll get my period when I'm 12. She didn't do any tests, though. Can a doctor really tell exactly when I am going to have my period?

--Unsure

Dear Unsure,

No. Precisely when you start is still one of life's big mysteries. But doctors do know the average age of menarche (first period) is about 12 and a half. And while there are no specific tests to tell if your time is near, the doctor can use clues, such as if you are developing breasts or underarm hair. Want another clue? Talk to your mom. If she started early or late, you may too. While there is no way to pinpoint what day you will start, you can gain extra peace of mind by being prepared. If you're going to camp or on vacation, ask your mom to buy pads you can zip into a makeup bag and keep with you, just in case. No matter when or where you start, any adult woman--from teacher to counselor to camp nurse--can help you. We've all been there, done that. So there's nothing to be embarrassed about!

Dear Carol,

I had a sleepover and invited an older friend, but the rest of the girls were my age. I thought I would be the star of the party, but my older friend was. It was horrible. No one wanted to talk to me. They all wanted to talk to her.

--Broken Heart

Dear Broken Heart,

Wait a minute. Horrible? You gave a party, and your friends all got along. They all had fun, thanks to you. That's not so horrible. Horrible is when nobody shows up, or everybody yawns all night. Sorry you felt upstaged, but just because your friends liked the older girl doesn't mean they no longer appreciate you. You wouldn't want them to have ignored your friend, right? As long as your friends like you, it's OK if they also like other people. Next time you feel overlooked, join the convo instead of waiting for others to talk to you. And keep throwing great parties!

Dear Carol,

I am so miserable. Lots of kids in my neighborhood make fun of me because I am short and overweight. I know I need to lose weight, but I can't.

--Miserable

Dear Miserable,

I'm sorry those insecure kids are so thoughtless. How do I know they're insecure? Because confident kids don't get their kicks by putting others down. As for your weight, if your parents are also heavy, it's possible you may always be bigger than other girls...and that's OK. In fact, accepting your shape is a good goal. On the other hand, while genetics play a part, so does behavior. You say you can't lose weight, but I bet you can. The trick is to eat right and exercise. Can you ask your parents to buy more carrots, less chips? If it isn't within reach, it won't tempt you. Drink water instead of soda. Water is good for you and will help slim you down. Summer is ideal for being active--swim, hike, work out or just walk. You have only one body, and it's up to you to keep it in good shape. So take care of yourself, one day at a time. Want more help? Talk to your doctor about setting up a smart diet and exercise program. Make this your turnaround summer.

Dear Carol,

My dad is such a baby. Every time he gets mad, he threatens to leave the house. He also blames me for things I don't do. How should I deal?

--My Dad Should Be In Diapers

Dear My Dad Should Be In Diapers,

Sometimes, even adults act childish. It stinks your dad's unhappiness poisons your home life. Stay out of his way when he's upset, and try to treat him with respect (whether you think he's earned it or not). If he senses his daughter thinks he's a baby, he might continue to act like one. His tantrums are not your fault! But by acting mature and civil, maybe you can help him do the same. People often do what is expected of them. That's why it's important to try not to lose faith in him. By the way, sometimes adults, like kids, go through bad patches and then things get better again. If possible, talk to your mom or dad about what's going on. Any chance your whole family could get some counseling?

Dear Carol,

Some boys always tease me. My buds say it's because they like me. Is it true?

--Teased

Dear Teased,

Sometimes, boys tease girls they like. Sometimes, they're just immature. Is the teasing affectionate (sort of funny, sort of sweet) or mean (hurts your feelings)? If it's affectionate, smile or tease back (if you like the guys). If it's mean, ignore them and don't give them the power to make you feel bad.