The Girls' Life To Real Life Worst-Case Scenarios

Girls' Life, June, 2001 by Taylor Morris

Life ain't always easy, and that's a fact. So, we put our heads together and came up with a little survival guide to make life's worst-case scenarios just a little easier. Don't leave home without it!

Not to be totally freaky or overly paranoid, but expecting the unexpected never hurts. Now, we're not suggesting you dash out to Barnes & Noble to snag a copy of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival [Handbook.sup.*] or anything. That is, unless you're fixing to stave off a killer shark attack tomorrow. Unfortunately, we don't have the goods on escaping from a sinking Toyota, performing a lifesaving-on-the-spot tracheotomy or crossing the Congo with flippers made from Popsicle sticks.

But, we do hope to alleviate potential stress from some most-likely-to-freak-you-out scenarios. Crazy stuff with friends, guys and parents can get super sticky and can be pretty unpredictable. That's why we're here to help you stay one step ahead of the game. Nope, we can't lend a hand if your parachute doesn't open or tell you what to do if you trip over a 20-foot python, but we'll guide you through those not-so-comfortable moments you're bound to encounter (and we're not talking menstrual cramps here).

* The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht (Chronicle, 1999)

Everyday Scenario: Like every summer, you head off to camp for six weeks of fun with your friends. The weather's great. The guys are even better... Worst-Case Scenario: ...but, three days into camp, none of your buds will talk to you--and you have no idea why.

Scenario Solved: Unfortunately, fickle friends are a fact of life. Then again, maybe you should read that chapter in The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook about escaping a pool full of angry piranhas. Friendships can run hot and cold by the nano-second. And the cold shoulder stinks, especially when you've been friends for years--and you're away from home. Don't panic.

Even if you dread approaching their icy glares, you gotta do it. If you're totally in the dark about why you're getting the brush-off, ask the girls what's up. Did you inadvertenily hurt someone's feelings? Is there some other misunderstanding you're unaware of?

If they spill that it's over something silly--like they can't believe you said Britney lip syncs--then laugh it off and apologize. Tell them you're sorry your opinion sounded rude. No biggie. Hopefully, everyone can move on. If no one budges and you sense something more intense, you can't really apologize for something you're not sure you did. Could be you did absolutely nothing-your name just got dragged through the mud in some gossipy game. Get to the bottom of the mess, if you can, and clear your name.

If you have a sinking suspicion you might have mentioned to Sally how fine her BF looks, suck it up and apologize. Nicely pull Sally aside, and explain that you were just taking notice but have absolutely no interest.

If your attempts at reconciliation are ignored or they can't come up with any real reason for the diss, then it's time to rethink your "friendships." Resist the overwhelming urge to make a scene, scream nasty names or spread vicious rumors. Going with a gag order is much more dignified. If other girls ask what's going down, politely tell them you'd rather not talk about it, and go forth with making new campfire friends. Easier said than done, eh?

Surely, there are bunks full of other chicks at camp! Challenge the new girl in your cabin to a tennis match. Take arts and crafts instead of canoeing like you always do--maybe you'll meet other girls. Don't mope, and don't let your "friends" see you being miserable. Often girls in cliques enjoy seeing their torture treatments pay off. Don't give'em the satisfaction!

Everyday Scenario: You love your pals, you really do, but one of your friends has this annoying habit of TALKINGREALLYFASTANDLOUD. You're doing your dead-on imitation of her, making your friends keel over, hysterical with laughter...

Worst-Case Scenario: ...when your fast-talkin' girlfriend walks in. She witnesses the whole thing.

Scenario solved: The truth is, lots of us have mocked even our best-est friends at one time or another. It's inevitable that the more time you spend with someone, the more you'll learn about their quirky (read: sometimes annoying) habits. But that doesn't give you a license to bash them--especially before an audience.

Say your friends--the girls who are supposed to love you no matter what--were making fun of how you say "wash." You always stick an "r" between the "a" and the "s"--you can't help it. If your BFF was mocking you and sticking an "r" in the center of every other word, you'd be bummed, right? So, you have no choice....

Serve up a sincere apology--in front of your audience. Good friends will likely follow suit, and an honest group apology should ease the sting.

But, the blatant bust also warrants a second apology--in private. Let her know she has one get-out-of-jail-free card to get a giggle at your expense and then game over-no more teasing. Consider slipping her a "sorry" note. Remind her how much you care--a little groveling can't hurt. And the next time you want to get a laugh out of your crew, recite a line from the Chandler Bing Hall of Great Jokes and spare your friend's humiliation.