Dear Carol - advice column

Girls' Life, June, 2002 by Carol Weston

Dear Carol,

At dances, my boyfriend dances with me but also with other girls (who are supposed to be just friends). I think he just wants everyone to have a good time, but it makes me jealous. He's my boyfriend, and I want him all to myself.

--Jealous

Dear Jealous,

Many boyfriends feel smothered by girlfriends who want them all to themselves. If you and your BF trust each other, try really, really hard not to be sooooo jealous. It will only put him off and make you miserable. Your BF sounds like a gentleman and a sweetheart! I assume it's OK with him if you talk or dance with other guys, which is the way it should be. You should be comfortable dancing with each other and other people, too! On the other hand, if he's dancing too eagerly with certain girls or holding someone too closely, tell him it makes you feel funny--no point in sitting back while your guy waltzes out the door with someone else. Basically, a little jealousy is natural and inevitable. But when the jealousy is eating you up, it may be a warning there's a bigger problem.

Dear Carol,

I have a crush on this guy. What now?

--Crushful

Dear Crushful,

If he's someone else's BF, do nothing. If he's a sweet, available guy, smile and say "hi." If he smiles back, ask about things that interest him, like music, movies or vacation plans. It's OK if he notices you're happy to see him-but then try to figure out if he seems happy to see you, too. Should you ask him if he likes you back? No. He might not want to answer, or he might not give the answer you want. Flirting is fine, but don't rush a crush.

Dear Carol,

My family and I are going on vacation this summer, and I don't want to go. I'm scared to fly after Sept. 11.

--Nervous

Dear Nervous,

I understand your nervousness, but it's important to overcome fears and live your life. Don't forgo your summer plans or stay home when you can go places. Plan ahead, and pack your carry-on bag with magazines, books, music, a diary, sketchpad, stationery, snacks and a favorite stuffed animal! Keep yourself busy, and think happy, positive thoughts. Remember, too, that while everything comes with risks, statistically, air travel is super safe--much safer than car travel. Will you love the flight? Maybe not. But you will love your vacation.

Dear Carol,

Get Over or Go Out?

I really like this guy. He knows it, but he's not interested. I think he's perfect. How can I either get over him or get him to go out with me?

Dear Get Over,

If you've shown an interest and he's shown none (sigh), please realize he is so not perfect because he doesn't appreciate wonderful you. Accept it. Study for finals or focus on riding lessons. Say "hi" to at least two new guys this week, and plan stuff with friends. While you're out having fun, you just might meet a new fellow--one who is interested. The best crushes come when you least expect it.

Dear Carol,

I wear a hearing aid. My so-called BFFs make fun of me when I can't hear them. How do I deal?

Frustrated

Your friends make fun of you? That's so lame! Are you so sure they're true friends? Lots of people have hearing problems--or other issues-so hang in there. These are hard years, and some (insecure) girls go through a mean phase they probably will outgrow. For now, give your closest girlfriends a lesson in sensitivity. Tell them it hurts when they diss you, and ask if they'd mind sticking up for you instead. Remind them your hearing problem isn't your fault and that you do your best to keep up with the convo. They could help by not whispering or talking with their backs to you. Keep your eyes out for new friends, too, at camp or the pool. By the way, kids who overcome obstacles often become extremely strong and empathetic adults. You will, too.

Dear Frustrated,

Dear Carol,

Every time I go online, all my e-mails are the same dumb forwarded jokes and stupid chain letters that end with, "Send this to 10 people or your crush won't like you." Do my friends really think that if we keep sending each other the same things over and over, our crushes will care one way or the other?

--Enough E-mail

I don't know what your friends think, but I'm glad you don't feel pressured to forward every single piece of e-mail that comes your way. Ask your friends to send you only really good stuff. Or reply to emails, "Please stop sending forwards." And only send out personal mail. Pretty soon, people should figure out that you're not responding and remove you from their "forward" lists.

Dear Enough E-mail,

Dear Carol,

I can never find a swimsuit because I look terrible in everything. The hanging-out-in-a-tiny-bikini-for-three-months thing bums me out.

--Bathing Suit Bummed

Many people, including guys, feel the same way. Even models often confess they don't feel as radiant as they appear. Try to eat right, stay active, and hold your head high. The more confident you are, the better you'll look. And don't forget the sunscreen!

Dear Bathing Suit Bummed,

Dear Carol,

My neighbor has a crush on me. He's even throwing me a surprise birthday party (I found out). He's sweet and tells me I'm pretty all the time. He asked me out, but I turned him down because if we break up, we might never talk to each other again. I don't want to ruin the friendship.