The Girls Life charm school: how to flawlessly get yourself out of tight spots awkward situations and truly embarrassing moments

Girls' Life, June, 2002 by Alex J. Packer

My BF's mom invited me to dinner next weekend. My BF always talks about how his mom is a really lousy cook. What if she serves liver and cabbage au gratin? When you're a guest in somebody's home there's always a chance you might be served food you don't dig. It's rude to leave your plate untouched, so just like his mom is creative with her menu, you need to get creative with you plate. If you can get some bites down without puking, eat as much as you can. If you absolutely can't bear to consume a single morsel, move your food around on your plate so it appears to have seen some action. Tuck a slice of liver under some lettuce. Cut a few more bites, and slip them in with the cabbage. Try to reduce the overall surface area of your plate. Meanwhile, wow everyone with animated conversation so his fam will look at your brow, not your chow. And if some one is so rude as to ask, "Don't you like the liver?" just smile and say, "It's delicious."

One of my friends has a habit of overstaying her welcome. How can I get her to leave my house without being rude? Also, she keeps me on the phone endlessly and won't stop chatting even when I tell her 1 have to go. You'll have to be a bit more assertive--and forearmed. When you issue an invitation, include an end time. Say, "Do you want to come over this afternoon? I have to go to swim practice at 6, but you could stay until then." As for those never-ending phone calls, have an arsenal of excuses handy-- "I have to eat dinner now," "I need to make another call before it gets too late," "My dad has to use the phone," or, "My mom asked me to help her with the laundry." Before you give the excuse, preface it politely, like, "I wish I could chat longer, but...," or, "I'd love to talk more, but..." That ought to solve your prob even if she still doesn't get a clue.

What do you do if you use the bathroom in someone else's house and really stink it up? If God didn't want us to smell each other, he wouldn't have issued schnozzolas. Still, you'd like to leave the bathroom in the same olfactory condition in which you found it. That's because you are a considerate guest. Since going to the bathroom falls into the Top Secret/Super Confidential category, take 'a peek under the sink for a can of air freshener--a light spray should do the trick. If there's no can in the can, there's not much you can do except leave the fan on for maximum air flow. Don't be embarrassed. There's no such thing as immaculate evacuation. And, with any luck, someone else will use the bathroom after you, thus lengthening the list of suspects.

Incidentally, it's silly to run water to mask the sounds you make. Good manners always prevent anyone from hearing them. And all it does is make people think, "She's running the water to try to cover up those noises she's making."

I work at a pool and meet tons of members--and forget half their names. How do you introduce people if you can't remember their names? With difficulty. "Mrs. Smith, I'd like you to meet...er, ah, um, uh..." is inadequate as an introduction. But we all forget names sometimes. Since it's worse to make no introduction, you have three choices when your memory fails you. You can a) be up-front, b) bluff or c) cheat.

Being up-front means coming clean about your mental lapse. You begin the introduction, "Dad, this is a friend from math class." Then turn to your friend and say, "I'm so sorry. I've forgotten your name." At this point, your friend will supply her name. If you're introducing yourself, you can say, "Hi, we've met before, but I'm afraid I've forgotten your name. I'm ________." What if you're introducing two people to each other, and you've forgotten both their names? The up-front approach would be, "I'm sorry. I'm so terrible with names. I'd forget my own if it weren't sewn into my underwear. Do you think you could introduce yourselves?"

With the bluffing method, you hope to avoid detection by getting the people whose names you've forgotten to introduce themselves. Begin by looking warmly at both people, and say, "Do you two know each other?" If the bluff works, they reply, "No," and introduce themselves. If it doesn't, they say, "No," and turn to you with expectant looks on their faces. Uh-oh! If you've forgotten just one person's name, turn to him and say, "Have you met Mrs. Dickens? She was my eighth-grade English teacher." With any luck, he'll reply, "No, I haven't had the pleasure. Hi, I'm Nicholas Nickleby." You can even use the bluff technique when introducing yourself to someone whose name you've forgotten. Smile, stick out your hand, and say "Hi. It's good to see you again. I'm _____." Then hope that person will respond with her name.

Cheating isn't nice, but sometimes it's necessary. Assume a frantic air, and invent an emergency: "Oh, dear, I think the dog just ate my gerbil." Then say, "Could you, please introduce yourselves?" as you rush from the room.

I was sitting on a sofa at my crush's house, and his dog came over to me and nuzzled my shorts! Everyone laughed about it, and I wanted to die. How should I handle this in the future? Sooner or later, you're bound to be the target of an overly inquisitive animal sticking its nose where it doesn't belong. And you have the right to "just say no" to unwanted advances from fourlegged suitors. You have a couple of choices in this situation, You can a) pretend it isn't happening, b) recoil from the dog and ask your host, "What kind of a pervert animal is this? or c) firmly steer the dog's snout away, allowing the owner the opportunity to make apologies and say, "Down, Casanova! Bad dog!" Of course, dogs will be dawgs. And we're all for animal rights, but it would be nice if said animals would keep their paws, snouts and slobber to themselves. If they don't, it's the owner, not the animal (and not you!), who should be embarrassed.