Stand by Your Man… And Then Shoot Him - abused women arming themselves

Women's Quarterly, Summer, 2001 by Dave Shiflett

The Dixie Chicks get real even with a coot named Earl in a controversial song and video. Dave Shiflett digs the Chicks and is hummin' a similar tune.

A MONG THE MANY heartbreaks that come with membership in the chartering class is the knowledge that the yodeling class holds much greater sway in this world. The most highly regarded journalistic thumb-suckers--who extract the very marrow from their suffering digits--address relatively small diences when compared to pop culture idols. Still, many of the chatter-heads are under the impression that, without them, no wisdom will be dispensed.

The facts are otherwise. Consider, to give one prominent example, an excellent public policy position staked out by the three Wise Women from the South: The Dixie Chicks. For those who are unaware of this power trio, the Chicks, as their devotees know and revere them, command huge audiences, a large portion of which are women. They admittedly sometimes go overboard on the Chick Power stuff, but marketing's marketing.

More to the point, they have taken a brave stand on an issue of no small importance to many females: What to do with a raving, mean, menacing, cruel, reeking, drunk, throat-grabber of a husband. Their answer: Kill him.

As we say in the chattering kingdom: Just So.

This doctrine of Just Dispatch is at the heart of a Chick song (and accompanying video) entitled "Goodbye Earl." To sum up the plot: Earl is an all too familiar type--the abusive male who uses his physical power to intimidate and rule his "love" interest. The Chicks, perhaps from experience or perhaps merely from imagination, paint a picture of a decided lout.

In a civilized society such people would, of course, be chased down by packs of dogs and roasted on a spit. Yet our society has not yet evolved to that point. And so the Chicks had to find another way to dispose of Earl. They chose to poison his black-eyed peas. Earl dies. If tears are shed, they are tears of joy. Domestic tranquility has been restored. This is the ultimate in household management.

To be sure, murdering pests such as Earl remains a controversial policy with some, including short-sighted judges and those who strictly interpret this or that Commandment. These people have obviously never had an Earl breathing down their necks--or, more to the point, compressing their necks. Weeding such people out of the population has become a somewhat familiar theme.

County music has had several hits along these lines in recent years. Sometimes the lout is shot. Sometimes he is burned alive. As it happens, I am currently penning a tune in which a bad guy is buried up to his neck in the yard and run over with a riding mower. Entitled "A Little More off the Top," it promises to be a hit, especially because the sound effects will be awesome.

It is not likely that the song will be snapped up right away, however. Our society being what it is, telling the truth too plainly can cause problems. The Chicks paid a price for their candor. Some radio stations refused to play "Goodbye Earl." Others played it, then piled on a bunch of statistics about domestic abuse. If "A Little More off the Top" ever gets airplay, there will, no doubt, be public service announcements about lawnmower safety tagged on at the end, yet that is a price one must be willing to pay.

Meanwhile, it's worth remembering that people die in songs with some regularity. Often, the victims have been women--who, just as often, are guilty of nothing more than being attached to jealous men. "The Banks of the Ohio" is one example; in that instance, a fellow with "control issues" decides to drown his lover rather than risk losing her (the Chicks' Earl, as it happens, is dumped in a lake after the poison does its work). "Hey Joe," the Jimi Hendrix hit, tells of an unfaithful woman being shot, and the immortal "Pretty Polly" also features a woman who does not make it to the end of the song alive.

It is also true that there are enlightened public officials who have come around to the Chicks' point of view. Just recently, the Nebraska Court of Appeals ordered Charlene Oldenburg released from jail, where she had been sent after shooting her husband, who made the mistake of coming home drunk one morning with mayhem on his mind. His story could serve as the basis for a future hit.

This lout, name of Kurt, barged in and attacked Charlene in her bed. After her protests, he left the house, only to return. Because this was hardly the first such incident, Charlene had armed herself, and those arms were definitely not for hugging, as Kurt discovered when he ignored her advice to clear out. He apparently made a lunge for the gun, which discharged a bullet into his neck and ended his career as a rampaging creep. Suggested title: "Kurt Don't Get 'Round Like He Used To."

There is plenty of other material out there to work with. I recall a story much in the news while I lived in Colorado in the 1990s. A woman had fled an abusive thug and taken an apartment, where she hoped to live a quiet and dignified life. While in the bathroom one morning, she heard a faint stirring from beneath the sink. When she opened the cabinet door, a great shock awaited: Looking back at her was the thug's head.