Rogue coconut

Art Culinaire, Summer, 2004 by Carol M. Newman

you know it as that suelte sculpted tree skirting the sands of a tropical paradise--one that always seems too far away.

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In botany, landscaping, encyclopedic and other chronicles of academia and science, it's called the coconut palm--certainly not as charming a visual. Its origin is dubious. Some claim the palm is native to the Southeast Asian peninsula, while others swear its source is somewhere in South America. But with fossil records turning up in New Zealand indicating small coconut-like plants traced back to 15 million years ago and other older fossils unearthed in India--the riddle remains. Perhaps this is part of the appeal. Since the coconut seed floats, it is quickly spread by currents carrying it great distances. It's no mystery then that the coconut palm has turned up on shorelines across much of the tropics, propagating as it travels.

No, it's not your typical nut, the coconut, In fact, botanists say it really isn't a nut at all, rather a fruit; one that takes 12 months to develop from flower to maturity. When first collected from the tree, the coconut still possesses its outer layers (the mesocarp): a smooth skin ranging in color from green to brown. These layers surround the hard dark-brown shell, encasing the coconut seed. The outer layer of the seed, (the testa) is the brown papery material that adheres to the white flesh (the endosperm) when it is removed from the shell.

Sure, the coconut is carried coast-to-coast by the tides, but it also carries comical appeal.

The topic, 'Falling coconuts' was awarded the annual igNobel award by the Annals of Improbable Research, a science-humor magazine produced by students of Harvard University. The winner of the competition, Dr. Peter Barss of McGill University, penned this medical report: "Injuries Due to Falling Coconuts."

Actually, it's not as ludicrous as it sounds. The National Library of Medicine reports, "Falling coconuts can cause injury to the head, back and shoulders. A four-year review of trauma admissions to the Provincial Hospital, Alotau, Milne Bay Province, Papua New Guinea, revealed that 2.5% of such admissions were due to being struck by falling coconuts. Since mature coconut palms may have a height of 24 to 35 meters, and an unhusked coconut may weigh 1 to 4 kg, blows to the head of a force exceeding 1 metric ton are possible. Four patients with head injuries due to falling coconuts are described. Two required craniotomies. Two others died instantly in the village after being struck by dropping nuts."

Of course, Art Culinaire doesn't intend to alarm you. Most probably injuries from falling nuts seem silly to a Westerner, but to residents in small societies such as Papua New Guinea, the threat is very real, and not unusual by any means. In Western societies that take suing seriously, falling coconuts have actually posed a problem for governments, business and homeowners. The Triton Foundation reports one (unnamed) Hawaiian resort spends an estimated $70,000 annually to "de-nut" their trees. In Queensland, Australia, the council collectively spends more than a million dollars annually to combat the problem.

That's where Queensland inventor Timm Straatmans comes in. He's devised a contraption to avert the falling coconut. Designed with netting that's clipped to the fronds, the "coconet" captures the coconuts guiding them right into a basket for collection out of reach of possible lawsuits. The nets are designed not to detract from the beauty of the coconut palm--which bring tourists, dreamers and dollars all by themselves.

"People underestimate the force of a coconut hitting the head," says Dr. Barss.

And the chaos doesn't end there!

This was the word from one London travel insurer, who cautions consumers to take a second look at their comprehensive coverage before they make that next voyage.

Club Direct managing director Brent Escott quotes figures that conclude coconuts killed 15 times more people than sharks in 2000. Out of 79 shark attacks, there were 10 deaths in 2000 (three of those in Australia), compared with about 150 deaths from confrontations with rogue coconuts.

Escott says, "People may worry about being bitten by sharks on holiday, but statistics show they would be better advised not to sit under coconut palms."

Art Culinaire promises there won't be any sequels to this story.

Al Stephens wasn't ridding when he said he was a perfectionist. We watched the young pastry chef meticulously plate his desserts--agonizing over a tapioca pearl out of place, a sauce on the run, a coconut cookie slightly taller or smaller than its siblings. This was Olives, Todd English's convivial contribution to the Union Square chainsaw jugular.

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And then the email came. Delivered late at night--after Al's service, hours after our shoot. Al wrote of being troubled over the second shot--the chocolate tart. The thought of, what he considered, 'an imperfection' kept him awake that night.

"It just wasn't perfect. I couldn't sleep for six hours."