Coping with malcontents: you can deal with negative staff and prevent yourself from becoming negative

School Administrator, Feb, 2003 by Michael R. Weber

They are everywhere. We have to deal with them everyday, and they can tear apart an organization or a family. I am referring to negative people.

They are tremendous energy drainers for adults, children and themselves. Negative people consume large financial and human resources and usually stand in the way of new ideas and programs. Parents, students and other staff members do not want to be around them. We become emotionally upset with negative people, who are frequent targets of complaint by others.

As school leaders, we become frustrated with negative people and the draining effect they have on everything and everybody they touch, Sometimes it becomes so difficult to deal with the negativism that we start becoming negative ourselves. We try to improve morale by accommodating some of their concerns, transferring them to other assignments and sometimes providing honest feedback through formal and informal evaluations.

Unfortunately, none of these approaches usually results in long-term positive change. Only when the negative person leaves do we see any change taking place. With luck, no one else will step in to take his or her place.

Climate Control

Four years ago I set out on a quest to better understand negativism and develop strategies to reduce its impact on staff members, students and the overall school environment. I hoped to share what I learned about how to deal effectively with negative people, improve the overall atmosphere of a school district and increase the positive energy in classrooms. I also wanted to keep my own negativism in check and protect myself from getting dragged into the negativism. I realized personal change was necessary if I had any hope of changing others.

After two years of research, interviews, observations and field testing and after six months of writing, I led my first training program titled "How To Deal With Negative People and Keep From Becoming Negative Yourself" for a school district administrative team. Since then, I've shared my training at state and national conventions. Clearly, many of us face this challenge in our school communities. What follows are practical suggestions that I hope will help you become a more positive leader and enable you to deal more effectively with negative people and situations.

* Visualize success.

Start by developing a picture in your mind of what you want to happen. Visualize staff members being positive and supportive of one another along with being respectful and nurturing toward students. See your principals working together as a positive, cohesive team with you and the board of education.

Keep this vision firmly implanted in your mind because this is what you will act on and move toward. If your vision becomes clouded with negative pictures, overpower them with a more positive and desirable vision. You will move in the direction of what you see.

* Know the realities.

There are four realities in dealing with negative people and situations that exist independent of us and that no one can change. These are as follows:

* Difficult people exist in all areas of life and are everywhere. They cause problems for everyone they come in contact with on a daily basis.

* Negative people cannot be forced to change. They can only change themselves. All you can do is set the stage and the environment for them to want to change. Change in negative people is an internal process that requires patience and tenacity.

* Understanding what makes negative people tick and what makes them do what they do reduces your stress and increases your ability to change the organizational atmosphere. It also makes your life a lot easier. A bit of insight produces calmness and relaxation.

* No single book or recipe exists on how to deal with negative people. It is not like making a cake where you put in the ingredients in certain portions, mix them up, bake and out comes a finished cake (a positive person). You are dealing with complex and changeable human beings who all look at life differently and react to situations differently. What you can do is develop some coping techniques and skills to use when faced with negative people and situations.

A Lighter Touch

* Appreciate humor.

You need to appreciate humor and maintain a light-hearted approach to your challenges. You can set the tone for the district and give permission for others to enjoy their jobs by your example and support of the positive energizers in your organization. Your example will help them assist you in keeping others upbeat and positive to reduce the impact of negative people.

Maintaining a good sense of humor accomplishes the following: Helps you lighten up and keeps things in proper perspective; increases your immune system; encourages people to spend time with you; helps you think more clearly; helps you live a longer and happier life; and allows you to become a good role model for others, which in turn begins to change the organizational atmosphere.

During an especially difficult school board meeting last October, several parents shared some strong feelings about 1st-grade class size in two of our elementary buildings. During the discussion, I shared a humorous experience involving one of our 1st-graders. One of the parents and the board president added to the story. Everyone in the room laughed, reducing the tension and enabling us to get down to the business of resolving a significant challenge under almost impossible budget restrictions. When the board members concluded their deliberations and took final action, they received applause from the parents. Reducing the tension in the room by using humor and maintaining an upbeat, positive and respectful environment resulted in discovering a solution to the class size problem when there appeared to be no workable alternative.