Dealing With Angry People - Brief Article

School Administrator, March, 1996 by Joseph C. Dimperio

I recently conducted a two-day workshop for school staff in western Pennsylvania on how to deal with angry parents and community members. Frankly I was quite surprised to see the large number of people who signed up.

During the workshop I learned that secretaries in school and district offices in particular have become frustrated by the growing anger they are facing during conversations with visitors and during telephone calls. Some can be very hostile.

I prepared for the workshop by asking my own district's clerical and support staff to describe an unpleasant experience they had during the past year and how they handled it.

One described a telephone caller who immediately demanded to speak to the school principal. The secretary politely asked for his name and the nature of the call. The caller responded, "This is a public school. I don't have to tell you anything. Put Dr. Good on the phone at once. ... No wonder the governor wants vouchers."

A second staff member described a parent who called the high school very upset. He had just heard that his son might not be graduating and wanted to verify it. The school secretary has just typed a list of students who were not graduating and the boy's name was on that list. The guidance counselor was out of the office. The secretary was unsure of her authority to answer the question.

How would you want your staff to handle these situations?

Coping Mechanisms

The workshop participants shared several valuable strategies that could help school administrators and their support staff members deal with angry people over the telephone, during school visits, or at public meetings.

* Don't take it personally. No matter who was at the counter or answering the phone, he or she would have gotten the same treatment.

* Try to obtain the information as quickly as possible. The objective is to get the angry person out of the office or off the phone, but support staff never should hang up on a caller.

* Don't get angry or argue. That can be a trap. The person who is upset now wants to upset you. Say something like, "I can see you're very angry." Remember to leave the anger with them. Misery loves company. You are there to help keep the focus on the problem.

* Don't use humor unless you are sure it is appropriate. Misplaced humor could get the person angrier and make you the focus, not the problem: "I have a big problem and she's making a joke of it."

* Acknowledge you are concerned and empathize. Ask how you can be of help. Remember, the hostile caller is part of the school community that we must serve. Say, "This does sound like a real problem. I'll have so and so get back to you. Where can you be reached?" Get the person's home and work phone numbers and the best time to call. That backs up your concern.

* Return calls promptly. Angry people sometimes need time to cool down and get rational, and we need time to find out the nature of the problem and get supporting data to respond.

* Direct the caller appropriately. Wit's a school-based problem, suggest the caller talk to the principal or counselor.

* Don't exceed your authority. Support staff need to understand what information they are authorized to release. Don't put unwarranted pressure on them.

* Stay calm. Remember, it's not you--it's the problem that has the person angry.

Important Lesson

It is important to realize that some parents' anger is based on a frustrating experience they had in school. Our role is to help, and we need to learn how to handle a problem without getting angry or hostile.

By responding with kindness and concern, we show that in our school district people don't have to get angry to get our attention.