What If Students Sized Up Your Performance? - humor at school - Brief Article

School Administrator, March, 1999

A Tough Grader in His Day

During his days as a superintendent in Cokeville, Wyo., a generation ago, Robert Paulsen made it a practice to wander through the schools. One day while in the hallway of the elementary school, Paulsen overheard his own 2nd-grader Keith and his friend Brent talking about him.

Brent: "Keith, is your dad mean? He always wears a white shirt, tie and suit. He seems very serious, and I wonder if he is mean."

Keith: "No. He's rather jolly at home and laughs a lot. But he is really strict and fair. He'd flunk his own mother if she failed a test."

A Modest Desire

The Setting: A hot summer day at the snack bar of a neighborhood swimming pool.

The Players: Dan Curry, superintendent in Wood County, W.Va., his 10-year-old son and the son's new friend Pat.

The Action: While waiting in line to be served, Pat asked Curry what he did for a living. When the response did not seem to register, Curry put it this way: "The principal of your school is Mr. Peroni, right? I am Mr. Peroni's boss." Then, having established his authority to make things happen in the local schools, he asked Pat what he could do to make school better for him?

Pat, a little on the husky side, rubbed his hands together as if preparing to make a wish over a genie's lamp. He said there was just one need. "We could use a little more time for lunch," he announced.

Waiting for a Snow Job

Martin Hanley had been the superintendent in the rural community of Carver, Mass., for a few months when during a visit to the elementary school he overheard a pair of 5th-grade boys sizing him up.

Said one: "Did you hear that we have a new superintendent?"

"Yeah," replied the other. "I wonder if he's any good?"

Added the first boy: "He can't be that good. We haven't had any snow days yet."

Anyone Superstitious?

Two weeks before Donald Pace assumed the superintendency in Clark County, Ky., in 1984, a fire destroyed one of the district's elementary schools.

Last December, just two weeks before Pace planned to announce his retirement, an electrical fire forced the closing of another elementary school.

Pace told the Lexington Herald-Leader he considered it a sign that after 15 years in the job the time was right for him to leave.

Spectrum of Emotions

Gary Wilson, an elementary school principal in southern California, counts himself fortunate for the diversity of experiences that come his way, sometimes in the course of just a few minutes.

Wilson was standing in the bus turnaround in front of his school to direct morning traffic as is his daily custom. Here's what he says followed:

"One of the mothers brought me a great cup of Starbucks coffee and told me how much she appreciated me. In the next minute, a parent in a hurry honked and shouted, 'F--k you' because I was walking kids across the crosswalk and didn't let him cut in front. In the next minute, one of my other parents walked up to me and said, 'You do such a fantastic job here as our principal, I want to give you this for your school. My wife and I appreciate all you and your staff do for our two kids."

The man handed over a $20,000 check payable to the school.

Quipped Wilson: "I wish I knew his stockbroker."

Respect Starts at the Neck

Duane Wright, principal at Rhododendron Primary School in Florence, Ore., says he first realized the importance of appropriate attire as an administrator from his time working at a middle school.

On days when he showed up in school wearing a necktie, he found himself being addressed by the students as "Mr. Wright." But when he shed the tie, he was known by his nickname of many years, "Boomer."

Gutter Balls

When Larry Roberson became superintendent of the 2,500-student Coventry schools in a suburb of Akron, Ohio, he also inherited a bowling alley, dinner theater and fitness center that the district had purchased in 1992 for its revenue potential. The district converted some of the facilities into a high school.

But after the bowling operation lost nearly a quarter-million dollars over the last three years, the school district has decided to sell off the lanes, balls and other equipment to build additional classroom space.

Roberson believes school district rules--no smoking or alcoholic beverages allowed--doomed the alley's profitability.

Short humorous anecdotes, quips, quotations and malapropisms for this column relating to school district administration and school board governance should be addressed to: Editor, The School Administrator, 1801 N. Moore St., Arlington, Va. 22209. Fax: 703-528-2146.