The name game: wooden nickels, piglets and odd geography

School Administrator, May, 2004

Throwback to Yesteryear

Robert Gerardi has spent the past 43 years floating from one superintendent's job to another--11 job postings in all, several of them as interim appointments.

So Gerardi, currently filling a vacancy in Waitsfield, Vt., doesn't bother with the formality and expense of printing wallet-size business cards every time he moves into a new executive position. Instead he uses wooden nickels to pass out to those he meets. On one side is his name and title; on the other is his portable contact information--his e-mail address.

One Funny Farm

It's a custom at Pinellas County, Fla., board of education meetings for board members to make announcements and issue public thanks for a job well done.

The former Pinellas board chair, Tom Todd, had a special announcement he was itching to share: Two of his goats had given birth to triplets on the family farm. Then Todd made an offer it seems all his colleagues could easily refuse. "If anyone wants one for their home, I can furnish one."

With no takers, Todd went ahead and gave the baby goats their names: Lee, Nancy, Carol, Jane, Max and Linda--the names of his reluctant colleagues on the board at the time.

Geographically Challenged

As the director of communications for the Texas Association of School Boards, Karen Strong has some decided favorites among the names of independent school districts in the Lone Star State.

Among the cheeriest, she picks Veribest ISD, Happy ISD, Rising Star ISD, Prosper ISD, Paradise ISD and Utopia ISD.

For succinctness, she points to Era ISD, Van ISD, Ira ISD and May ISD.

In the "what state are we in?" category, she places Pittsburg ISD, Detroit ISD, Athens ISD and Memphis ISD.

And in the vein of confused geography, she places Center ISD, which is located on the eastern edge of the state; Southland ISD, which is near Lubbock in the state's northern Panhandle; and Eastland ISD, actually situated in the middle of Texas.

The Ills of Recess

In 1885 (that's 119 years ago if you're counting), Superintendent David Howell of Lansing, Mich., published a report in which he offered eight reasons why a "no recess plan" ought to be implemented nationally.

Among the reasons Howell cited: Children who came to school "bareheaded, thinly wrapped, with feet clad in paper-soled shoes" ran the considerable risk of contracting diptheria, catarrh and pneumonia. Plus, he claims, nearly all cases of corporal punishment resulted from conflicts during recess when stronger children tyrannized younger ones.

In addition, the superintendent argued, children wasted valuable time following recess recovering from their "breathless condition."

(Source: National Association of Elementary School Principals)

Automated Answers

James Tice, retired superintendent in Strafford, Mo., shares his suggested lines for a school's automated phone message system. He proposes these options for the caller:

"To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her homework, press 2.

"To complain about what we do, press 3.

"To cuss out a staff member, press 4.

"To ask why you didn't get needed information that already was included in your newsletter and several fliers mailed to you, press 5.

"To ask us to raise your child, press 6.

"To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 7.

"To complain about bus transportation, press 8.

"To complain about school lunches, press 9.

"If you realized this is the real world and your child must be accountable for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework and that it's not your teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day."

Short humorous anecdotes, quips, quotations and malapropisms for this column relating to school district administration should be addressed to: Editor, The School Administrator, 801 N. Quincy St., Suite 700, Arlington, VA 22203. Fax: 703-528-2146. E-mail: magazine@aasa.org. Upon request, names may be withheld in print.