My Name Ain't Fred

School Administrator, June, 1994 by Frederick J. Killian

You may recall the story about the Texas A&M Aggie sitting in the stands at the college football game, becoming more and more annoyed each time the guy 20 rows back cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted, "Hey, Fred!" in his general direction.

After the fourth "Hey, Fred!" our Aggie could stand it no longer. He stood up, turned around, and angrily shouted back, "My name ain't Fred."

It isn't a particularly funny joke, but it does remind me of the many times I wanted to shout, "My name ain't Fred."

During my 28-year career as a Department of Defense Dependents Schools administrator in Germany, I dealt with subordinates, quite a few superordinates, the military hierarchy, and many German citizens from all walks of life. Name-calling, as it deals with interpersonal relationships of each group, makes an interesting study.

Ground Rules

Although generally more liberal with Americans, Germans have a well-established set of ground rules for addressing other people. In the workplace, the neighborhood, and even at social occasions, the rules are the same.

Germans can know one another for decades, yet they still address each other as Herr or Frau, with the appropriate family name, and use the word "Sie," the formal form of "you" when conversing with one another. Family excluded, this is a universal German law.

The one exception is that unrelated children must address adults formally, but the adults may use the more friendly form of "du" when addressing children. At the age of 16 or thereabouts, teachers begin to address their students with the equivalent of Ms. or Mr.

Did you know that when a German earns, or is honored with, a title of doctor, the title becomes magically fused to the surname? He will always be referred to as Herr Dr. So-and-so. A woman will always be referred to as Frau Dr. So-and-So.

Addressing Subordinates

But let's get back to the Du and Sie, and the use of first names when greeting someone. This can change when a special event or a particularly strong rapport leads to an agreement to use first names and "du," the friendly form for "you."

Because of its importance, this agreement always is celebrated throughout Germany with a ritual called "Brudershaft." Both parties link arms with a drink in hand, empty their glasses, and either shake hands or exchange pecks on the cheeks, depending on gender. Henceforth they address one another using the familar form of "du" and Hans or Franz or whatever the case may be.

American educational institutions have a unique approach to name-calling. Most supervisors, particularly those with academic degrees, due to some unknown law, address subordinates by their first name.

Subordinates, however, demonstrate respect by using titles and surnames with supervisors. This appears to be an archaic throwback to the work ethic once so prevalent in America.

This ethos is strongest within the educational setting, partly because studies show that most teachers come from working class backgrounds where the availability of formal education leads to social and economic success.

Feeling myself to be a progressive school administrator, I gave subordinates in the district where I served the option of calling me by my given name. I routinely used first names until one day I abruptly was pulled up short by a sensitive, black, female assistant principal who said, "Using first names without permission is condescending and a form of disrespect."

It didn't take long for me to realize she was right. I immediately stopped using first names, unless there was mutual agreement to do so.

For most of my academic career, I called my supervisors by their academic tide, while they called me Fred. In many instances, I had earned my title-bearing degree before they did, but I was younger.

Some of my peers addressed supervisors by their first name, but I never had been asked to do that. My work ethic background didn't allow me to use first names. Now I wonder, was there mutual respect?

Reaching Agreement

A few years ago I met an Air Force base commander who was destined to become a general. During our first conversation, and without hesitation, he began calling me Fred. Being tuned to the rules of the game, I responded by calling him by his given name. He immediately responded by addressing me according to my academic title. We quickly reached an unspoken agreement to address one another on the same level and, might I add, with mutual respect.

The colonel and the doctor had a wonderful two-year professional relationship.

Using surnames, given names, or earned academic tides is appropriate and could vary in different settings. If we're all on a first name basis, that's OK. But if we're not, then "My name ain't Fred."

Fred Killian was superintendent for three districts in the Department of Defense Dependents Schools system, most recently in Munich. He retired last August.