When Pigs Fly and Cats Bark

School Administrator, Sept, 2001 by Peggy Hinckley

It's not improbable: You can take control of your life by managing stress

It's Sunday night and you are lying in bed, stomach in knots. You have a school board meeting on Tuesday and you are wondering what issues will surface that are not on the agenda. Will that particularly combative board member ambush you again? What unforeseen questions will you be expected to answer on the spot?

It is no wonder superintendents are struggling as never before to manage stress in their lives. Single-issue board members, conflicts over budgets and building projects, student safety issues and standardized testing have created a climate defined by conflict.

The stress we experience on the job spills over into our personal lives as well, affecting our families and our physical and mental health. When we start to see pigs fly and cats bark, we know our lives are out of control. So how do we get a handle on the stress in our lives and develop strategies to balance the load?

Before we can successfully manage stress, we need to understand it. Stress is a state of dynamic tension created when we respond to perceived demands and pressures--both internal and external. Consider these common sources of stress: relationships, personal situations, finances, health and emotions.

Notice that "job" is not listed as a source of stress. Why? You probably cannot eliminate stress associated with your job unless you change jobs. As comedian Lily Tomlin says, "The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." Thus, the manner in which you deal with stress and the sources of stress can make a difference in how stress affects both your personal life and professional life.

As you consider your sources of stress, decide which three areas need attention and develop a stress action plan. Determine how you might decrease your stress in those areas by making three changes. Why three? We know that a few targeted changes are more manageable than several, so your chances of success are greater.

Sources of Stress

* Relationship stress. Are you so busy building relationships with community groups, staff members and parents that you burn bridges with the significant others in your personal life? Do you attend the conference football championship but miss your daughter's piano recital? Are you so focused on school issues that you don't listen to anything your spouse says?

Relationships are like a garden: Weeds will grow anywhere, but flowers take more effort. Examine your relationships outside the office. Do you tend to them, nurture them and help them grow? Note the health of your relationships with regard to affection, family bonds, social life and confidantes.

Do you give and receive regular affection from the people you love? The human touch, such as a hug or pat on the back, actually changes our physiology and relieves stress. When my husband had bypass heart surgery, the monitors documented that my touch on his face lowered his blood pressure.

Is your family an emotional support group? Do you make time for traditions and rituals that strengthen family bonds? A good place to begin is with family meals and holidays.

Every Easter our family has a tradition of squaring off and trying to crack each other's decorated egg. The one whose egg survives with no cracks wins the egg trophy. Our nieces and nephews rarely miss Easter because of this tradition and the family support it fosters. Establish rituals within your family.

Do you regularly socialize with other people who have similar interests and goals? Getting together with friends to play cards, do service projects or ride motorcycles provides a release from the stress of the superintendency and an opportunity for you to bond with other people.

A network of friends provides social support and helps keep your spirits up. When you are taking a beating in the newspaper over a school issue, your friends are your cheering section.

Do you have a trusted confidant? A close friend provides a safe forum in which to share fears and dreams and vent anger. Who else can listen when you express your frustration about a board member, role-play what you would have liked to have said and laugh because you knew it was a pipe dream?

My confidant is my cheerleader, but she also has the courage to tell me when I am wrong. I accept and expect that from her.

* Personal stress. Are you at peace with yourself? Or is your stomach tied in knots? Do you find yourself acting in ways that would make your enemies proud? Inner resiliency is vital to your survival. Take a moment to examine your spiritual beliefs and your habits of thinking.

Whatever your faith or spiritual beliefs, regular meditation and/or worship can decrease feelings of isolation and abandonment. When a problem seems too great to solve, it is a relief to give that problem to a higher power and listen for an answer. Wayne Muller, author of Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest arid Delight, reminds us that respecting the Sabbath (which he defines as a period of sacred rest) allows us to rest and to restore our souls. He says, "Because we do not rest, we lose our way. We miss the compass points that show us where to go, the quiet that gives us wisdom."