Nice dog I wanna chop its head off: 14 + 4 + 9 13 = 3 + 9 % 8 = 0 - Poem - Brief Article

Thrasher Magazine, June, 2002 by Mark Gonzales

TIME IS FUNNY. THE MORE TIME THAT passes, the funnier things become. That's how things are, absurd and funny. Back a long time ago when I was 12, I asked my father if he would be interested in hearing a proposal I had for him. He laughed at me and told me that I did not have a true understanding of what the word "proposal" meant. I told him proposal means you're about to get a better job than the one you already have. "Well," he said. "It can mean that."

When my best friend's dad got a new car he backed over their neighbor's dog and just about killed it. Then they sold the new car and got an even newer one. Andy Kundinski was the kid that lived next door to my friend Charley. Charley's dad is the one that ran over Andy's dog. Andy was from Hungary, but that didn't matter much. His dog was a Pitbull; he used to groom that dog and just love it to the core. He'd holler stuff like, "Sic my Pit on you fools...come mess with me. Now his Pit had gotten backed over by a new car. I think it was a Mercury. After they crippled Andy's dog, they bought a Honda.

Charley's dad was into numerology. He said that the first letter in Mercury is 13, which is an unlucky number. Me and Charley knew that the 13th letter stood for marijuana, 'M' all the way. Charley's dad didn't look nerdy. I mean, you would figure only nerds would be into numerology, but I guess not.

"Why Honda?" I asked Charley.

"'Cause it starts with 'H', which is the eighth letter and ends with 'A, the first."

"What? So now he drives a Honda? He thinks no bad shit is gonna happen to him?"

Charley shrugged his shoulders and said very lightly, "Guess so." I could tell he was a little embarrassed of his old man.

The sun was as bright as ever. Me and Charley were in his backyard looking over the fence watching poor Andy's dog drag his back legs around as he walked. "Poor thing. Look, he can't even dig a hole for his doggy bone." Charley laughed, but I wasn't trying to be funny "Where is Andy at now, anyhow?" I asked Charley. I guess to always sound better and more on top of his game he uses the phrase "dumb ass" before something about someone, mainly when the person was not around though. Like this: "His dumb ass is over at Blue Max, that new office supply store. That's where he works at now, or pretends to work."

Andy's yard was all neat. I told Charley that "that frame there looks like a Diamondback." Charley told me that it used to be Andy's big brother's bike...may he rest in peace. Charley always said that after talking about someone who was no longer alive.

So, before they die he calls them dumb ass when he talks about them, and after they're gone "may they rest in peace." I didn't even know he had a brother.

"Yeah, wild story"

"Let's hear it."

"He went to Columbia to join the communist fight and got his head cut off by a drug dealer."

"No way! You're not telling the truth. How did he get from here to over there?"

"They got planes. He flew."

In a shed in Andy's yard was where all the plants were. I jumped the fence first, Charley came over right after. We had bolt cutters for that pesky master lock. His dog put up no fight after we got all the plants. I cut his dog's head off and put that where the plants used to be. Charley was afraid because he never killed anything. I told him flies die all the time. He waited on the other side of the fence. When I got over the fence, I told Charley I finished up what the Mercury couldn't: "Well, I took care of the dog. All I had to do was knock the poor thing in the head. Then once he was out! chopped his head off clean." I kept the clothing I was wearing as a keepsake.

Me and Charley got around on our skateboards, but I told him after all that happened I'd be driving a Nissan. The 14th letter in the alphabet begins and ends it; 'N' for naughty. After we sold all them plants and the lighting gear, we put up a ramp in Charley's backyard. It was only a small ramp--eight-feet-wide, eight-feet-high--and the part I liked most about the ramp was the 14 feet of flat bottom. Gives you time to think before you hit the next wall.

LAWLESS ORDER
LOOKS DANGERUS
THATS CAUS
IT IS FAIL
DOWN STAY DOWN
ALL IN THE
NUMBERS
NEVER DROVE
A ROLLS ALWAYS
DROVE A
BENTLY CLIME
INTO THAT
RENOLT &
BURN RUBBER
NEVER DROVE A
LEXUS  ALWAYS
DROVE A
BENZ CARS
OUR FOR CRIME
HELP ME STEEL
A JEEP
SOMETHING THAT
I CAN
KEEP BEEP BEEP
WEED PLANTS
WEED IN WALLS
DROVE A
CORROLLA
NEVER DRIVE
AND OLDS
POLICE DOG
FIGHTERS
NICE WEED
ONLY TREE'S
DON'T BLEED
WEED TREES
I SOLD YOU A
DENVER OMLET
AND
CHARGED
YOU FOR A
STEAK!

ONCE I WENT
TO HUNGARY
AND I NEVER
WANTED TO
LEAVE SO
I RAN
A 10K AND
FINISHED
FIRST
THAN AFTER
THAT THIN I
FELT LIKE IT
WAS OK TO
GO SO I
DROVE A ROLLS

Poems by Oleander

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