The return of Quetzalcoatl

Thrasher Magazine, March, 2003 by El Beardo

THE CONQUEST OF THE VALLEY OF MEXICO is a crazy mix of history and myths intertwined with each other. Consider the story of an ancient god called Quetzalcoatl, who was tricked into drunkeness by an evil god and forced to leave the valley and his people in disgrace. He sailed eastward into the Gulf of Mexico, vowing to come back on the anniversary of his birth to reclaim his kingdom.

Hundreds of years later, King Moctezuma II was having a tissy-fit about a ragged bunch of Spaniards making their way toward the Aztec capital from the coast. Could this be that long lost god and his followers returning to take back their kingdom? After all, it was the anniversary of Quetzalcoatl's birth, and the god was often depicted sporting a beard not unlike those worn by these strangers.

Moctezuma ended up being so'spooked by these few hundred scrappy Spaniards that he basically let them march right in and sack his great city of Tenochtitlan. 300 years of Aztec dominance gone right down the shitter, and at the hands of some shabby Euro-trash pretending to be gods. Oh the Horror! Now skip ahead about five centuries to the year 2002. Invaders have entered the Valley of Mexico once again, but this time instead of 400 Spaniards with crossbows, they are a handful of Americans with skateboards. Like Cortez and his soldiers, these young men are conquistadors, yet the riches and glory they seek lie not in the shadows of the grand temples of Tenochtitlan, but rather in the splendid bowls of a new skatepark on the outskirts of Mexico City. And yes, some of these men wear strange beards. The Return of Quetzalcoatl? Read on and decide for yourself...

THE CREW ON THIS ADVENTURE consisted of John Cardiel, Max Schaaf, Dan Drehobl and Joey Tershay, along with documentarians Burnett, P-Stone, and yours truly. The trip was to include all sorts of wacky shit, from a interview with a morning newscaster who dresses like a Mexican version of Krusty the Clown to an appearance at Six Flags for a best trick contest on a fun box. Also, MTV Mexico had the boys scheduled to appear on Conexion, the Latin American version of Total Request Live. Apparently, we slept in too late for Mexi-Krusty and completely forgot about the Six Flags gig, but we did make it to MTV...

CORPSY GETS HIS NOSE POWDERED

We headed to MTV studios immediately after our first session at the park. Our car made it there swiftly despite the worst fucking traffic on the entire planet, but the car holding the impending superstars was nowhere to be seen. When the car finally arrived two hours later they all looked frazzled, openly cursing the cluelessness of their youthful chauffeur. Time was of the essence however, and soon enough Max, Corpsy, and Cards were whisked off to have their noses powdered for the big show. The rest of us watched from the bleachers just off the set as each of the boys went on stage between videos of Shakira and Christina Aguilera. While we giggled and drank Coronas in the stands, the boys braved dumb little interviews by the Latin hunk vee-jay and the harsh stage lights of stardom. The hot Mexi-vee-jay chicks danced around aimlessly and the crowd oohed and ahhed to some funk band from Chile and then it was over just as quick as it started. Before I knew it we were back in the cars and into the clutches of th e evil Aztec gods of traffic.

THE SKATEPARK

About a year and a half ago, Steve Bailey showed me some pictures of some bowls being built in Mexico City. The photos showed a series of square pools that were connected by cut-out channels running down the middle of them. It looked rather gnarly in a dysfunctional type of way and I pretty much forgot about the place soon after. Then Burnett tells me about this trip and--Bam!--those pictures popped back into my skull. I had only memories of those two photos to go on as I packed up and left home on this dubious quest. I truthfully wasn't expecting much as we pulled up to the park on our first morning in Mexico. I definitely wasn't prepared in any way for what I saw. The place is fucking huge! And it's painted like a damn circus! There's a brick-red capsule with a channel on one side leading into a lime-green fantasy land that we named the "Mexican Hat bowl" due to its whimsically tall volcano, simulating the peak of a sombrero. This bowl shares a tall spine with a huge, blue snake run/bowl combo that looks a lot like that lost skatepark in Japan. There's another blue bowl that's a snaky, curvy little dream--real fun to skate. I guess blue paint must have been on sale, because another section of the park, kind of a Ripon meets Palo Alto with horribly placed channels, is also bathed in that hue. Lastly, there's the quadruple square bowl goof-zone that I had originally seen in Bailey's photos. That one is painted in the same vivid green as the Mexican Hat. Rounding it all out is a 4-set of big stairs and a nice gap-to-bank set-up that Cardiel kickflipped at high speed, surfing it out to the flat. The whole place was apparently built by the Mexican Government and is part of some weird sport complex/school. A really strange place indeed...