Trash

Ray "Woody" Allen was present with his one-man film crew at a Venice, Califas event where he was seen documenting Polar Bear Agnew, Cris Dawson and Texas Titty. Ray was so flustered by Ms T's abundant endowment that he started handing out his old Marina Del Rey Skatepark business cards. The functional aspect of this recycle is that Allen has not been a manager at--nor has the park existed--for over 20 years.

The Native American mysticism-cum-primal blood lust of the Venture cartel is now widely known. How else can you explain the Venture mogul Keith Cochrane's semi-frequent lapses such as going on African safari, bow and arrow big game hunting, or killing a moose with his bare hands? But how far does it go? Recently, King V the Venture Resident Spiritual Advisor was seen on the Navajo Nation reservation where he was commissioning artists to design new glyphs for the truck company Cochrane refuses to comment, but insiders are quick to point out Keith's quiver of eagle feathers and buffalo skulls.

CALAMITY & HOMES

"Look I'm grinding!" --Michael Jackson, while playing a skate video game on TV's 20/20

"It's time to take out the thrash!" --Tony Hawk to Homer Simpson

"Suck a dick, bitch!" --Knox Godoy, when asked what 8 times 7 is

"Why did Phil Shao have to die? Why couldn't it have been Mark Partain?" --Knox Godoy

"Mike Ogas has an excellent rapport with children. Before the lessons with Mike, my nine-year-old could not skateboard at all. Now her fears have been replaced with confidence and she is able to skateboard by herself! Now my five-year-old daughter is starting to stand up on her own after only a few months." --Miriam Laird