Spring Break forever!

Thrasher Magazine, Dec, 2003 by Michael Burnett

SPRING BREAK IS KILLER. It's a time to party; get totally wild and party. I love Spring Break, man. Which is why I was so excited when Lee Dawg hit me on the hip to let me know I was getting invited on the Zero Spring Break US Tour.

"But Lee, it's July," I texted him.

"Shut up, Dude! SPRING BREAK!!!!" he texted back. He then sent me a photo of an orangutan in pants and suspenders giving the finger. I guess I got his point.

You might be surprised to hear this, but Zero owner Jamie Thomas was down for it too. He called me the next morning.

"Spring Break!" I yelled into the phone.

"Burnett, you ready to go?" he asked.

"SPRING BREAK!" I barked again.

"Chill out, Burnett." he said. He tells me that a lot. It's his way of swing, "Right on, buddy."

THIS IS GONNA BE SO SWEET

Our first stop: Lake Havasu, Arizona. Havasu is totally awesome, dude. It's the West Coast Spring Break capital of the world--an oasis of brews and bros in the middle of the harsh desert. You can rent party barges and, like, float out into the lake--get hammered, party. Needless to say. I was down.

In hindsight, I guess it was weird that I flew into Salt Lake City, Utah to get to Havasu, but that's where the ticket sent me. I got in the Spring Break spirit an the plane by slamming down a few 'Dews and reading the newest Maxim Stuff. Ramp, FHM and Stance Those mags are awesome and gave me some totally useful tips on bagging babes and on what to do if I ever get attacked by a tiger.

"SPRING BREAK!" I yelled as I pulled up to the skateshop. I guess the dudes wanted to stoke the Locals before we got on the party barge, so a little impromptu session popped off in the Technique parking lot. The crew was looking tight.

It was me, as you already know. Lee Dawg, Jamie "The Chief" Thomas. Ryan "Barbwire" Bobier. Jon "Air Time" Allie Chris "The Crusher" Cole. John "Ratt" Rattray, Matt "Mutt" Mumford. Adrian "Lopes" Lopez, Ryan "Smithers" Smith as well as new bucks Dan "Muff" Murphy, Garrett "King of the" Hill and James "the Rock" Brockman--a killer crew, whether on the boards or with the babes! Owww-oww!!!!

GET THIS PARTY STARTED RIGHT ...

Jamie blasted some fat JT airs over the box and Jon Allie mixed it up with some of the local ladies--some of whom were so eager for Spring Break they were ready to start some sort of wet T-shirt contest right there in the lot! Hold on chicks! We're down for a sneak preview, but why not wait for the big show in Havasu?

We drove around all night trying to find the road to AZ, but instead kept running into skate spots. Oh well, Spring Break lasts a whole week! Plenty of time to par-tay. Murf, Barbwire and The Crusher all got wild on a big-ass rail on campus while me, Ratt, and Lee Dawg rubbed on some tanning cream and worked out a few dance routines for the clubs. Just as Murf nailed his frontside crooks, Ratt effortlessly backflipped off Lee's shoulders, landing in a perfect splits. I could barely wait for Havasu.

We drove late into night, the time passing quickly thanks to Lee Dawg's I-Pod full of Spring Break party anthems. Billy Ocean told us about his Caribbean Queen, Eddy Grant took us on a tour of Electric Avenue, Cisco got us groovin' to his Thong Song and we all agreed with Sammy Hagar that we too could not drive 55. The next thing you know, it was morning.

LEE DAWG'S ULTIMATE SPRING BREAK MIXTAPE

Now, the goal here is to get your "freak" on. So with that in mind any song with "bootie," "grinding," "pushing it, "ass" and/or "backside" in it will be perfect. Here s a list of the songs that we played in rotation in the Zero van on tour:

1. "Pop that Coochie" by 2 Live Crew

2. "Daisy Dukes" by 69 Boyz

3. "Ain't No Fun (if the homies can't have some)" by Snoop Doggy Dogg feat. Nate Dogg

4. "Get Low" by Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz

5. "Gimmie That Nut" by Eazy-E

6. "Donkey Butt" by 12 Gauge

7. "Too Much Booty In The Pants" by 2 Live Crew

8. "Put it in your Mouth" by Akinyele

9. "Tootsie Roll" by 69 Boyz

10. "Don't Fight The Feeling" by Too Short

NO FAT CHICKS

Golden, Colorado was the halfway point from Salt Lake to Havasu so we headed for the mall to pick out some new Spring Break gear. When dressing for Spring Break, you want your clothing to say, "I'm here to party!" or "Let's party!" Basically, you want to look hot and awesome, but also cool and fun. We headed for Spencer's Gifts.

"Check it out!" Lopes called from across the store, "It's cool 'cause it's totally true!" I agreed with the T-shirt he was holding up--Beer is Food. Not to be outdone, I selected an Official Bikini Inspector shirt. Just wait 'til the chicks see me struttin' around the pool in that one! Mutt got a Buttweiser shirt, Lee Dawg picked out one that said Can't Touch This!, Murf got an Osama Yo Mama! shirt (political, but totally partyable), Air Time scored a No Fat Chicks, Smithers grabbed a Farfrompukin', The Rock got a Whoop, There it Is!, Ratt got one with Calvin taking a piss on the Pope and The Crusher got a sweet ringer T with a totally stoned Smurf on it that said Stony Smurf. I forget what the other guys picked out, but they were all equally as awesome.