Get your favorite pro to notice you at a demo

Thrasher Magazine, April, 2004 by Michael Sieben

YOU KNOW HIS FACE, BUT DOES HE KNOW YOURS? Chances are, probably not. So how do you get your favorite professional skateboarder to notice you at demo? Having his t-shirt or his board is hardly doing to do the trick. If you really want that special guy to remember who you are at the end of the day you're going to have to be creative. Remember: he's probably a million other kids' favorite skateboarder, too. Here are some suggestions:

... GO UP TO HIM and ask, "Are you part wizard?" When he looks at you funny, say, "I only ask because your kickflips are simply magical." Then tell him his tre flips could easily slay one million dragons.

... ANYTIME HE'S about to do a trick, scream, "You light up my life!" at the top of your lungs. Bring a bullhorn if you have access.

... BRING HIM a family portrait with his face taped over your father's. Hand it to him and say, "Sometimes I pretend I'm adopted and that you're my real daddy."

... HAND HIM a cigar box with a dead bird wearing a helmet inside of it. When he opens it tell him, "We used to talk about you for hours. Now I just cry a lot." Then ask him if he wants to see you do some cartwheels.

IF THERE'S an autograph signing ask him to sign your poster, "To my future stalker ..." Tell him you have a calligraphy pen filled with your own blood if he'd prefer to use that.

... BRING A JAMBOX with you and play that Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton song "Islands in the Stream" over and over while pointing at him and saying, "That's our song. That's our fucking song!"

... EXPLAIN TO HIM your fascination with guns and killing things. Then ask him if he wants to go out in the woods to do a little hunting. Be sure to use the phrase, "Just the two of us."

... GET HIS NAME tattooed on your hand. When you show it to him explain how after you land a trick you pat yourself on the back and how it's just like you guys are skating together.

... COME TO THE DEMO dressed in a tuxedo. Find your favorite pro and tell him, "I skipped prom to hang with you." Then ask him if he wants to come over to your house and watch ET with you and your mom.

(Political Correctness Disclaimer: If your favorite pro skater is a woman then please replace he with she, him with her, guy with gal, father with mother, and daddy with mommy. If you are a girl skateboarder, please replace tuxedo with prom dress.)