Certified piece of suck: doo-doo skatepark construction

Thrasher Magazine, Oct, 2004

HOSOI GOT OUT, transitions are in, and things are looking up, right? Wrong. Skatepark designs are getting so bad these days that kids want to get hurt. Anything to avoid riding these misguided mounds. The tide has yet to turn and we're still operating at a roughly 70/30 dook to decent skatepark ratio. We're not just being negatoris for no reason. We call 'em like we see 'em. The good ones deserve praise, the poor ones deserve punishment. There's no reason they can't be done right. Behold the creme de la mierda. Hold your nose ...

The crew arrives, foaming at the mouth, ready to ride, sees this nonsense, and they're moping at Taco Bell within the hour. "Hey, let's rob a bank."

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Still got those 65mm Kryptos? You're gonna need them. This is a new park by the way. It's no wonder kids start drinking. No joy in Crudville tonight

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Roll the dice on a shin splice? The teeter-tot metal edge and wheel-grabbing asphalt make this unskatable. Like you'd want to

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No rapid roll-in. No flip-to-fakie fun. It just lurks in the corner like a bad stench. Its a monument to wasted space and concrete

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Some theologists speculate that Heaven and Hell are right here on Earth. See for yourself. Say a prayer for Owen Weany

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Find it on the street, you're stoked. Being forced to skate this clunker everyday, you're bummin'

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Nice fence. That thing is four Shecklers high. It's like skating in prison. This ain't Oz, folks. Are you game for the mini-ramp fly-out to handrail impalement? Where's Bam now?

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Inoperative brain tumors in the heads of the designers is the only logical explanation for this kinked and coped ledge. Tax-payer funded, public land, damaged goods. Try again ...

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Absurdicon--heinously flubbed hubba

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Hips should be fun, not a math problem

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NOT HOT SPOT

IF YOU'RE LIKE US, you probably figure that it would take a lot, a lot, for you to quit skating. If there was anything in this world that would do it, it would probably be this skatepark.

Eric Smith and Eric Bertrand shot this doozy in Gilman, WI. Somebody should go to jail for this.

ALL RIGHT NOW, from here it's up to you. It's your responsibility to send in those C.P.O.S. Don't goon this. Think of it as your duty. Digital images can be sent to the website at 300dpi, 4 inches wide (nothing smaller). Photos and slides go to the mag. Include your name, park location and the contractors' names if you've got them. We'll help eradicate these leeches. Expose the suckedry!