Pope condemns mongo pushing

Thrasher Magazine, May, 2007

VATICAN CITY -- In an unprecedented announcement, Pope Benedict XVI called skateboarders who propel themselves using their front foot "an abomination," and "an affront to all things radical." To emphasize his point, the 79-year-old pontiff is reported to have then produced a large photo of long-time professional Bill Danforth which he tore in half and tossed into the capacity crowd gathered in front of Saint Peter's Basilica.

"And don't give me any of that switch mongo shit either," an unusually animated Pope continued, "If Scott Bourne can pull off a convincing switch push, then there is hope for all of mankind!" The Pope, who is German, is said to have skated with Claus Grabke in the early '80s before getting his big break in Catholicism.