An unexpected challenge

Vegetarian Baby and Child, March-April, 2003 by Gina Cassidy

This past Halloween, after several rejected attempts to give my children candy, a trusted friend asked if my kids could have a "reprieve" from veganism. She apparently felt sorry for them because they were not permitted to stuff themselves with sugar, corn syrup, whey, artificial flavors, colors, and preservatives. I was stunned. I had known that she and her family were indiscriminate omnivores, but I thought we had had an understanding. We had been going over to each other's houses for meals for a few years, and she seemed careful not to include animal products since we made the change.

The word "reprieve" really got to me. Was veganism a jail sentence? In her eyes, were my kids deprived of "normal" activities and fun because of some grandstanding, ridiculous ideal on my part? Sometimes people say careless things. In a friendship, there are ups and downs, arguments, disagreements, and things said without reflection. But how can a question exhibiting such a basic lack of respect for the values lam trying to instill in my children be chalked up to thoughtlessness? Would she ask a Jewish friend if he would lighten up and let his son have some ham?

I was amazed that a person who knew me before I even became a vegetarian, and saw the drastic changes in me in terms of weight loss, improved health, and increased energy level and mental alertness, plus the excellent health of my children, could not be impressed that veganism was a very positive introduction into our lives.

Two big parts of homeschooling our children are 1) modeling behavior and values we wish them to acquire, and 2) showing them how to adhere to these values and behavior no matter what other people (including people they love) think. It is a constant battle negotiating a society of exceptions: "just this once," "it's only a little bit," "a little can't hurt them:' "they won't have the same as the rest of the children." How many times do people in our society seize the opportunity to sabotage our efforts to offer consistent rules to our children? "Just this once" teaches children that morality is flexible and relative. And every person who says, "just this once" has no idea how many other people are saying the same thing.

Even our local homeschooling group, which I have found supportive in many ways, does not respect vegetarianism or veganism. Group activities are carelessly sprinkled with junk food. At potlucks, no food is labeled, and utensils used to pick up chicken are also used to serve salad. Our attempt at labeling a dish "vegan" resulted in someone else labeling a dish "food]' At a valentine party for which I volunteered to bring all the food and drink, my children's valentine boxes were stuffed with chocolate and cookies that I had to throw away in front of them. I could feel the eyes upon me as I did this--those of my disappointed children and those of the other parents, horrified that I would be so heartless (on Valentine's Day, yet!).

Overall, my children are proud of our values. They feel that being vegan makes them special. They do not contribute to the suffering and death of innocent creatures and they respect their bodies by giving them proper nourishment. Usually, when well-meaning people thoughtlessly offer them cookies, my four- and six-year-old ask if they contain butter or eggs, and my heart swells with pride. When my son was just three, he once asked if a cookie had meat in it, much to the amusement of the adult proffering it. He certainly had the right idea.

Many of our family's values are not respected in the society in which we live, and sometimes it feels like a burden to constantly reject: reject animal products, reject consumerism and materialism, reject routine medical intervention, reject school, reject television, reject violence. It helps to have a circle of friends and acquaintances with similar values, but I have found these parents also struggling to maintain their values. Some are "vegan at home;" some make limited exceptions (one woman made a turkey for Thanksgiving because her relatives wouldn't come to her house otherwise); some would homeschool, except they found a very good school for their kids; some won't buy their children guns, but when relatives give them, they say, "What are you going to do?"

To paraphrase an author whose name escapes me: it is precisely when our cherished principles are challenged that we need them the most.

* Gina Cassidy is from Brooklyn, NY and currently resides in Illinois where she's a community college composition and developmental writing instructor. She's the homeschooling mother of three vegan children.