Q & A: I need to know

Vegetarian Baby and Child, Sept-Oct, 2002

My 5-year-old daughter told her teacher that she was a vegetarian, and the teacher replied, "You need meat to grow big and strong." My daughter then came to me quite concerned. Her teacher is seriously misinformed, but I don't know how to handle this situation. I've told my daughter that I am very careful with her diet and that we are eating healthier than we ever were when we ate meat. I also told her that her teacher probably doesn't know the things that we know about vegetarianism. Should I maybe very delicately explain to the teacher that she is misinformed and bring her an article or two from reputable sources, just go in and explain why I'm concerned, or should I leave it alone entirely so that she isn't offended into being a little hard on my child? I'm inclined to do something about it because this will not be the last time that my daughter and I encounter these problems, but I can also see her teacher's perspective as she's quite a bit older and has been schlepping the four food groups for the last g azillion years.

You've done a wonderful thing in explaining to your daughter that people believe lots of different things based on their own experience and that your family is making the best decisions you can based on your knowledge and experience. Knowing that you understand and accept her teacher's opinion--even though it is so drastically different from your own--teaches your daughter a valuable lesson in vegetarian diplomacy. How you handle the situation from here may determine how your daughter deals with issues of this nature in the future.

I recommend that you order a copy of the Vegetarian Starter Kit ($2) from the Physicians' Committee for Responsible Medicine (www.pcrm.org) and politely share it with your child's teacher. To help her understand why it's important for her to respect the choices you've made for your family, you may mention that there are religious groups whose members do not eat meat- including the children. In that case would she feel as justified to criticize the child's eating habits? For many of us, vegetarianism is more than a health issue; it's a spiritual issue as well, if not religious per se. Once the teacher understands that she is questioning your family's values when she is critical of vegetarianism to your child, then she may view it differently and be more sensitive in the future. If that argument doesn't appeal to you, you could still take her some information from PCRM, which I find impresses most people because it's an organization of doctors. The Vegetarian Resource Group (vrg.org) also has some terrific info rmation online and some pamphlets that you can order.

Finally, talk to your daughter and make sure that she understands why she's a vegetarian. Keep it simple, but arm her with a few answers to key questions for the next time she is put on the spot by a meat-eater. By this age, she should have a fairly clear idea about why she is a vegetarian--be it religious, ethical or health reasons--and you can help her to create some short responses that are positive in nature. This might also be a good time to teach her about deflecting negative comments and setting an example by first accepting others who are different.

I need some advice on how to talk to a toddler about vegetarianism. My son is two years old and is just beginning to notice that other people eat meat. He wants to know what it is, and he wants to try it!

Although toddlers are much too young to be presented with the details of factory farming, they are not too young to understand that meat comes from animals and that we don't eat them. There is no reason why, at his age, you should feel compelled to let him try meat, just as you wouldn't let him try beer or possibly even soda. To teach him about vegetarianism start simply by pointing out foods in books, then pointing to items which people don't eat, like toys. Make it fun: "Do we eat bananas? Mmmm! Do we eat blocks? No!" Expand on that with animals: "Do we eat dogs? No! Do we eat tofu? Yes!" Small children seem to think that the idea of eating animals is completely ridiculous (it is!) and find humor in adults' joking in this way. When you feel that your child is ready for further explanation, remember to keep it simple. I like this quote from George Bernard Shaw: "Animals are my friends, and I don't eat my friends." Some parents choose to teach their children that meats are "dead animals." Keep in mind that if you do this you will no doubt have to explain eventually how the animal came to be dead. While no young child deserves to be horrified with an explanation of animal slaughter, only you can determine when to take honesty one step further (when your child is mature enough to handle a simple explanation of how meat gets to the plate). Vegans have even more explaining to do, but here again, you can keep it simple. Tell your toddler that mommy cows make milk for baby cows, and ask what they will drink if we take it away from them. Save the horrors of dairy life for a later date. Eggs are baby chickens. Again, stories of the chicken farm can wait. It's worth mentioning here that if health issues are your main reason for being vegetarian, you may have a harder time convincing your child with these arguments. The concepts of cholesterol and saturated fat are simply too abstract for toddlers to truly comprehend. Similarly, environmental issues are difficult to explain to children who don't even have an understanding of what the earth is much less how we can impact it with our food choices. On the other hand, children have a natural love of animals, and it's quite easy to help them understand why we wouldn't want to harm animals by eating them.