What to do about… holiday celebrations

Vegetarian Baby and Child, Nov-Dec, 2002 by Carol LaLiberte

It's holiday time, and if you are like many vegetarians raising vegetarian children, you are wondering what to do at this time of year. Which celebrations should you take part in? Which friends and relatives should you join for holiday festivities? Should you gather only with those who are also vegetarians (if you are lucky enough to know family and friends who are likeminded)? Or do you partake in get-togethers where meat is the main course, and you and your vegetarian family's dietary choices never even make the menu?

These are tough issues to think about while you are also dealing with the usual stress of holiday times. The pressure is on to have life resemble those ads in magazines or commercials on television where family and friends are gathered 'round, all smiles and enjoying each other's company without a hint of conflict. It can help to review your options. Openly discuss them with family members who will be affected by how you decide to spend your time and with whom you decide to spend it.

Option #1: Refuse any invitations from non-vegetarians.

In some ways this is the easiest choice. If you don't mingle with the meat-eating world, you don't get questioned or prodded or interrogated about your eating habits. Nobody will ask how you can raise a child without indulging him or her in a Happy Meal now and again. And your kids don't have to witness animal slaughter and consumption. You can stay home and make your own traditions.

Some vegetarian friends of mine go skiing every Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas, all of which they celebrate in their own way. This couple now has teen children, but when their children were younger they told me that they often opted for a holiday getaway so they could celebrate by themselves. On the plus side, this choice helps you to cherish your family of procreation, and may in fact lessen the stress of an overbooked calendar. You carve out your own practices as a family, and celebrate in your own unique ways.

If you know other vegetarian families, you can invite them to join in and go to their holiday parties. That way, you won't have to worry about your kids sampling the hors d'oeuvres. On the other hand, you might miss out on being with family and friends who may be meat eaters but whom you love to be with at a time of year when being together can feel very special.

Option #2: Host your own functions.

This allows you to invite whom you want and serve what you want. You can invite both vegetarians and non-vegetarians, since you will be preparing the menu. This allows you to put together a guest list of family and friends who you want to see over the holidays, while still maintaining a vegetarian environment.

Option #3: Say yes to invitations from meat-eating relatives and friends, but bring enough vegetarian food for your own family plus enough to share with others.

This option allows you to be with those you want to socialize with - despite the differences you might have in philosophy and dietary choices - and still have enough to eat. Carol Adams, in her book, Living Among Meat Eaters, talks about the importance of vegetarians not looking needy at such functions. If you don't bring ample food, you look as though you are starving eating only rolls and salad, and this leaves the meat eaters thinking how deprived you are by being a vegetarian. Instead, you might be able to convert the hard-core meat eater if you bring a tantalizing recipe that all can share.

You can also say yes to a gathering but show up after the meal is served. I have done that on occasion, explaining to the host that the meal is not why my family was visiting, but that we were coming to see the people and to celebrate with them. We eat at home, then arrive shortly after dinner or meal time to simply enjoy everyone s company.

Choice #4: Do a little of everything.

I love my family and friends, but nearly all of them are meat eaters. I want my son to grow up knowing the people we are close to and experiencing their love. So we talk a lot about tolerance to both my son and our relatives. We bring our own food at Thanksgiving, and we eat the veggies that are served, hence we are partaking in the meal. I have made one request at such holiday get-togethers and that is that the animal carcass not be at the center of the table. I do not want my son, my husband or myself staring at a dead animal while we are eating. Family members ridiculed my request the first year, but have respected it ever since. I think it is important to know what your boundaries are and where your comfort level lies, and to draw a line in the sand. I can sit next to someone eating an animal, but I cannot stare at its remains. We all have our own limits about such things. Identify your own.

My son asked last year--as he saw the turkey come out of the oven--why people had to eat a bird, and so we talked about choices that people make. We try not to be self-righteous and talk about other people being wrong while we are right. Isn't that what some meat eaters do when talking about vegetarians? Rather, my son and I talk about beliefs regarding animals, ours and those who choose to eat them. At Christmas, which we celebrate, we have our own holiday brunch, then arrive at family's house later in the day after the main meal has been served. The whole issue of what we eat never even comes up at this function.