Jest A Minute

VFW Magazine, Sept, 2002

* A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word, and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison The Old Rugged Cross.

The pastor hollered out, "Grace."

The congregation began to sing Amazing Grace.

The pastor said, "Power."

The congregation sang There is Power in the Blood.

The pastor said, "Sex."

The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden way in the back of the church a little 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing Precious Memories.

Roland C. Smith, Honey Brook, Pa.

* We hide all our valuables in the bathroom. With a family of eight, there's no way in the world for a burglar to get in there.

George V. Kottwitz, Edwardsville, Ill.

* Coach: "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

Child: "Yes."

Coach: "When a strike is called or you are out, you don't argue, curse or attack the umpire--do you understand that?"

Child: "Yes."

Coach: "Good, now go over and explain it to your mother."

Richard W. Guskey, Columbus, Ohio

* "Listen you, if the captain ever caught you calling that deck a floor, he'd throw you right out that little round window."

James P. Marinos, Waterford, Mich.

* A tourist, walking down a street in Honolulu, approached a very tanned man in a brightly flowered shirt and asked, "Sir, you look like a native, would you please tell me how to pronounce the name of this state? Is it HaWaii? Or is it HaVaii?"

"HaVaii," answered the man.

"Thank you? said the tourist.

"You're Velcome," said the man.

Charles Meyers, Burlington, Iowa

* Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird.

Bob Jewett, Grand Island, Neb.

* Practical prayer: Lead us not into temptation. Just let us know where temptation is, and we'll find it ourselves.

Myron Varland, LaQuinta, Calif.

* Now that's old: "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."

Comedian George Burns