Jest a minute

VFW Magazine, Oct, 2002

* A man in a department store had just bought a cigar and was about to light it when a sales clerk informed him that smoking was not permitted in the store.

"What?" he exploded. "You sell cigars in here. How can you prohibit smoking?"

The clerk smiled politely. "We also sell bath towels."

Myron Varland, Watsonville, Calif.

* A prisoner was being led down the hallway to his doom: the electric chair.

Fellow prisoners were yelling at him and waving good-bye with their arms stuck out through the bars. One of them, wanting to say something encouraging to the ill-fated man, hollered, "More power to you, buddy."

Arthur King, Altus, Okla.

* A man was groping around under his seat in the darkened movie theater. The usher quietly asked if he'd lost something.

"Yes, I lost a piece of caramel candy."

The usher reasoned, "Why all the disturbance over a piece of caramel?"

"Why? My teeth are in it!"

George V Konwitz, Edwardsville, Ill.

* One Christmas, our elderly Uncle Josh received a puzzle as a gift from a family member. He worked and worked on that puzzle and finally got it together.

His grandson asked how he was doing with the puzzle and Uncle Josh bragged, "Oh, I have it all together, and it's only taken me a week."

"Well," asked the grandson, "is that good?"

"I reckon so," replied Uncle Josh. "It says right there on the box `from one to two years.'"

Mrs. W.E. Taliaferro, Waynesboro, Va.

* A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How do you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Wayland Fillers, GreenevilIe, Tenn.

* Some people were having a party in an apartment. They were singing all the old songs. They harmonized on "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."

A knock came to the door. The visitor said, "Do you know there's a sick old lady upstairs?"

The party people said, "No, hum a couple bars of it; maybe we can pick it up"

Victor C. Nikolaus, Columbia, Pa.

* Do you know what the plow said to the tractor?

"Come a little bit closer, John Deere."

Bob Jewett, Grand Island, Neb.

* The older I get, the harder it is to find a decent mirror.

James E Marinos, Waterford, Mich.

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