The church under Benedict: Fr. Jeff Doucette wept in sadness when Joseph Ratzinger became pope; then he got on with the job of opening a parish window

Catholic New Times, July 3, 2005 by Jeff Doucette

I think the shock has worn off, and the feeling has come back into my arms and legs somewhat, and the heart has started beating again.

It is more than a month since the arms of Joseph Ratzinger were raised high into the air in what first appeared to be a victory lap, as he was introduced as Pope Benedict XVI.

My heart then was heavy, drenched in disbelief that the cardinals could have chosen this man as our next Shepherd. When I saw the white smoke and saw the bells move, my heart raced with excitement. My living room soon filled with staff and a few parishioners. We had been holding a 24-hour vigil at our church during the conclave, parishioners having chosen names of the cardinals from all over the world holding them in prayer to be open to God's Spirit.

We had gathered on the Sunday night for a wonderful, spirit-filled hour of prayer, song and scripture. Could the Spirit have let us down? I kept seeing the hands clasped high in the air. Where would our church go? It seemed that cardinals from Canada and the United States were in front of every camera trying to convince their flock that this was a good choice, that he would be a good leader, humble and prayerful. But my heart ached for my own people. I shed tears as I spoke with my parents that day. I had hoped for someone who would be a beacon of hope for some change in the church Why was this news so difficult for so many of us?

Most in the pews may not be aware of Pope Benedict's days in the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith. His hard-line attitude, his church language, his harsh treatment of some theologians caused great pain. These words and actions echoed in my heart as he walked out onto the papal balcony. How could I minister now under him?

Since then, many articles have been written analysing how the election came to be. I listened closely to Benedict's homilies, his words, his actions. What struck me was how this man is already different from John Paul II. He is a wonderful homilist. His homily at his inauguration was rich in imagery, steeped in the gospel, intertwining the symbols of his pallium and fisher men's ring with the gospel text.

Again I wiped a tear from my eyes as his words touched my heart. Could I open my heart to this man who has been such a hard line enforcer in doctrinal matters? Could I trust this man to open himself up to his new call from Christ to move from the church of the Roman curia to the arms of the church of the People of God?

Some people will shake their heads, some will think I am the problem. Some think I am a liberal who wants to open the church to complete change and send her spiralling into chaos and disaster. This is far from the truth.

I believe in and promote the dignity of life from the womb to the tomb. This encompasses the first signs of life in the mother's womb to the last breath of life in our earthly world. It also involves how we treat one another in between those two points of our life. How we care and nurture and love one another with a true gospel love that moves beyond the law to the law of love: I promote the great tradition of Eucharist and how it defines us. My main call for change has always been opening up the priesthood to the vocations that already exist in our midst, to ensure Eucharist to our local church that we may flourish as a People of God.

Some call me disrespectful if I do not agree with a certain statement or action from Rome. It is true that I do not hold a doctorate in theology, I am not a biblical scholar, or a church historian. But I do love my people, I do love the Gospel and I live in the local church, where professing the gospel is a real challenge.

So how do I as priest continue in this new chapter of the church under Benedict? Do I leave and fade into the world?

No way! I remember in my early seminary days, a wonderful priest and friend, the late Father Richard Cote, OMI who told us, "Guys, you won't be able to change Rome, you probably won't be able to even change your bishop; go into your parish, fall madly in love with your people and work to change your local church."

That has been the ethos of my presbyteral ministry for 11 years. I still have the same fire and passion and love. But falling in love with your people means making yourself vulnerable to the gospel, trying to be yourself and faithful to that gospel and to your heart where you allow the gospel of Christ to dwell.

With all due respect to Rome, my presbyteral ministry is first lived out in the midst of my local church community where I struggle along with my people to be a faithful disciple. I try to be loving, welcoming to those who come to me in pain. I work collaboratively with my bishop, my brother priests in trying to be creative and imaginative as Jesus was to bring the gospel to life. I try to live the words I preach as they first apply to me, I try to become that gospel message in the local church where I love to be part of variety shows and skits, bowling leagues, parish family meals, music concerts and wherever else my people gather. I voice my love for the wondrous lay people who give generously of themselves to our community. I encourage our young people to stand up and open themselves up to Christ.