My thinking has changed

Catholic New Times, Sept 26, 2004 by Helen Wallace

My balcony in Halifax overlooks a parking lot surrounded by trees. As Hurricane Juan lashed the city last year, I marvelled at the way these saplings bowed to- and survived-Juan's fury. Not one tree was thrown to the ground.

Many thousands of our lovely, old trees in Halifax were uprooted by Juan. Because the glaciers have left us with rocky soil in this area of Nova Scotia, our mature trees often try in vain to push their roots deep down in order to stand firm for many years.

As individuals and church, we too struggle to remove the boulders in our way, so that we can become more authentic in our constantly changing world. I used to think that the pope had a direct line to God and that we Catholics were on the pope's party line. Now, I believe that every human being has a direct line to God. Our problem is that it is often so hard to distinguish God's voice in the clamor within us and all around us. I cherish my daily times of contemplation in my quiet room. I look forward to my yearly retreat near the ancient ocean, in Terence Bay, N.S.. At our spirituality centre there, our Sisters help people to hear God's voice in the depths of their own hearts.

I used to think that a "cradle" Catholic should always remain a Catholic. To "leave the church" and join another Christian community meant that person was being seriously misled. Now, I see some persons being welcomed into another community where they feel more at home and accepted and I understand their decision.

In my early psychology courses, I was taught that homosexuality was a mental illness. Further scientific studies have led me to accept that the dignity of the human person is more important than one's sexual orientation and that for most homosexuals, it is not just a choice of lifestyle but an orientation that is written into one's genes.

It used to be important to me that Jesus was male and that He was divine, but now it is more important to me that Jesus was fully human. Along with some eminent theologians, I now believe that Jesus did not know that He was divine until after His Resurrection. We used to rationalize endlessly how He hid His divinity. Now, I rejoice that Jesus was truly like us, but without sin.

In my early days, I thought that to be a "real" Christian was to be a Catholic. Now, I feel that my Christianity embraces the enlightenment of the healthy spiritualities of many faiths. I was taught a rather intellectual form of spirituality, but now creation-centered spirituality is a constant source of pleasure to me ,as I find God in so many simple ways and places.

For many years, I was content to accept the roles that were available to Catholics, depending on the gender of the person. Now that I know more about human psychology and have been exposed to enlightened theology, I question the wisdom of our laws that prevent women and married men from celebrating the Eucharist. I am waiting for an evolution of thought that will become concrete. This increasingly growing thought is that the choice of a presider at Eucharist will not depend on maleness and celibacy but on the calling forth of suitable women or men, by all of the people of God, who are also, church.

The God of my childhood was a rather serious God, but now I delight in the marvellous sense of humor of our indulgent, patient, faithful Creator. Just look at the gifts of light-hearted comedians; the antics of little puppies; the pompous dignity of an adult frog; the determination of a dedicated mosquito.

The crucifix used to be my most important icon. Now, my crucifix is Iraq, Sudan and the hungry people of my own city. My current, favorite icon is the "Laughing Christ." When I get too concerned about the troubles of the people that I serve, a glance at this picture is enough to help me to lighten up and remind me who is really in charge of my ministry to God's people.

My life is so much simpler and it is much more fun.

Helen Wallace is with the Sisters of Charity in Halifas. Readers of CNT are invited to contribute an article for this series "How my Thinking Has Chamged."