Facing your anger

T+D, Oct, 2003 by Gary S. Shunk

Anger is a protective emotion prompted by a triggering event, such as documents not being completed in time for a meeting. A perceived threat causes an imbalance in your natural homeostasis, forcing an emotional reaction. Anger is useful. It says no, stop, cease. It attempts to dispel the threat by regaining control of the situation. When you start to feel angry, understand the emotion and what's really happening. Realize that you may perceive a threat in your environment--someone cutting you off in traffic, for example, which is a threat to your safety. A co-worker failing to complete an important part of your project poses a threat to your reputation. Whatever it is, acknowledge the threat and realize that you're feeling unsafe. Instead of acting out with hostility, harness your emotions to work productively to improve a bad situation.

In the case of a co-worker not following through, use your anger to enlist his or her help, channeling your reaction into the resolution rather than the problem. That doesn't mean denying your feelings; by all means, let him or her know you're upset. But rather than dwell on the negative event, focus on the positive solution, and use your anger to keep the new initiative going strong.

Gary S. Shunk is a psychotherapist and consultant and can be reached at 312.368. 8484 or shunk@earthlink.net. Reprinted with permission.