How to find true happiness: so often we think we'll be happier if only we lose 10 pounds or make more money. Why wait until then? Discover how to feel your best right now

Natural Health, August, 2003 by Erin O'Donnell

YOU HAVE THE POWER to be happy--really, truly happy--today. That's the word from a growing group of researchers, psychologists, and life coaches devoted to unlocking the secrets of happiness.

True happiness, they say, is much more than a smile on your face. It's a way of looking at the world. Let's say you lock yourself out of the house. If you're happy, experts explain, you won't scold yourself, kick the door, and fret that your day is ruined. Instead, you'll spring into action. You'll make a mental list of neighbors or friends who have a spare key, or you'll call a locksmith. As you wait for help to arrive, you'll use the newfound free time to read the paper on your doorstep or enjoy a cup of tea at the cafe down the street.

"Happy people are far more focused on the little victories and miracles than the problems," says Dan Baker, Ph.D., medical psychologist at Canyon Ranch Health Resort in Tucson, Ariz., and author of What Happy People Know (Rodale, 2003). Instead of getting caught up in fear and worry, they see the good possibilities in each situation. They have confidence in their ability to cope, and they live with a sense of purpose.

And this state of mind can be yours even if you're currently frustrated with your life, you're normally a little cranky, or you come from a long line of pessimists. It's as simple as adopting the following six habits.

Don't Pin Your Hopes on the Lottery

Ask most of us what would make us happy, and chances are we'll name a change in our circumstances: We'll be happy when we win the lottery, get a better job, or see a smaller number when we step on the scale. "In our society, we tend to believe that happiness is something that comes from the outside, that happens to us," says William Fleeson, Ph.D., a psychology professor who studies happiness at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, N.C. In reality, happiness comes from within and depends on how you think about your life.

Sure, external events and material objects like a new car or a bigger paycheck can give you a rush. But those feelings don't last. As proof, Baker describes a poll that once asked people about their perceptions of wealth. Pollsters asked those who made $10,000 a year what salary would make them feel wealthy. They said $50,000. Pollsters then asked people who made $50,000 what amount would make them feel wealthy, and they said $200,000. Those who made $200,000 said they'd need to make millions, and so on. Money will never bring lasting contentment, Baker says. We're hardwired to fear scarcity, so we'll never be completely satisfied with what we have. For that reason, you need to look elsewhere for true happiness, Baker says.

And he offers further proof of just how little your circumstances matter: Researchers once compared lottery winners to average people and to those who suffered accidents that rendered them paraplegic. Believe it or not, the paraplegic people were happiest. Over time they developed a way of looking at the world that made them happy despite their difficult circumstances. Like them, you can tweak your outlook so that you feel self-confident and serene whether or not you get that raise, win the lottery, or lose that weight, Baker says.

Seek Stillness in Your Slippers

Start by adopting this habit: Spend a few minutes being both alone and quiet every day. The realities of modern life normally keep you buzzing with distracting mental chatter, says Suzanne Willis Zoglio, Ph.D., a life coach in Doylestown, Pa., who wrote Create a Life that Tickles Your Soul (Tower Hill Press, 2000). You're thinking about what you need to do today, what you should have said five minutes ago, or that tough phone call you're dreading tomorrow. Quiet time allows you to cut through that noise to find out what really matters to you, Zoglio says.

You may think you just don't have the time. But the experts disagree. "Here's a news flash: You have the same amount of time in your day as the wisest person in the world," Baker says. "It's all about your priorities." Zoglio suggests that you set your alarm 10 minutes earlier than your usual wake-up time (before your family wakes or the phone rings) and shuffle in your slippers to a quiet room. Write in your journal, pray, do mind-clearing breathing exercises, or just light a candle and sit quietly.

This practice helps you find happiness in two ways. First, it stanches the flow of harsh stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol, which can build up, making you anxious, irritable, and unhappy. Second, practitioners of Buddhism and yoga believe that when you learn to quiet this demanding inner voice, something amazing happens. "When you get quiet and still, the answers to those questions--like, what makes me happy?--automatically arise," explains Stephen Cope, senior scholar in residence at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Lenox, Mass. In time, you may see that you love woodworking projects, or discover a desire to get a dog, or realize that you'll feel resentful if you organize the family reunion once again this year.