Minding your weight: after years of destructive eating habits, three readers make peace with food and their bodies

Natural Health, June, 2007 by Karen Kelly

KAREN: Wake-Up Call

"BEAN POLE" and "string bean" were my nicknames in grade school, thanks to my tall and skinny frame. As an adult, my weight rarely fluctuated and I never gave it much thought. I loved fruits and vegetables, and enjoyed working out. Unlike a lot of women I knew, I had a carefree relationship with food. I never dieted nor felt compelled to overeat.

That all changed about 10 years ago, when at age 38, I started a promising new job that quickly turned into a depressing nightmare. Without realizing it, I began to turn to food for comfort--snacking on baked goods, drenching my salads in olive off, pouring that extra glass of wine, and polishing off pints of Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt. And, still I suffered. In fact, the more I ate, the more depressed and exhausted I became. Before long, I stopped exercising and began retreating--from friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. During the 18 months in that job, I gained about 40 pounds. And for the first time, I started loathing myself, which made me both angry and sad.

Then I was fired, and although I was out of a miserable situation, my eating problems worsened: Over the next eight years, I gained another 20 pounds. I fretted about my weight and felt increasingly depressed by it but was incapable of doing anything about it. Instead, I holed up at home and started freelancing. My once-fashionable wardrobe was reduced to elastic-waist pants and oversize button-down shirts--the only things that fit me and were comfortable. Few people saw me, except my husband, family, and a handful of close friends. I was convinced anyone else would be horrified by my changed appearance.

The more I thought about my weight, the worse I felt. I found out my reaction was not uncommon. "In studies, we find that people who obsess in response to difficult circumstances have more severe and prolonged periods of depression," says Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D., author of Eating, Drinking, Overthinking (Owl Books, 2006). "It exacerbates negative thinking and interferes with good problem solving." In my case, obsessive thoughts sent me flying to the fridge.

Then, something happened last year that provoked a shift. I was working on a design book with a demanding and attractive author who valued appearance. She would often tell me, for no reason connected with the book, how thin her friends were, what beautiful teeth and hair they had, or how little they ate. For some reason her words stayed with me. After I finished the first draft of the book, she unexpectedly dismissed me--apparently my size unnerved her. I already knew being overweight, sedentary, and almost 50 put me at a higher risk for developing type-2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease, but now it was threatening my career. The risks suddenly seemed like too much to bear. It was time to take a closer look at my eating habits. I ate all the right things--fruits and veggies, whole grains, lean protein like chicken and fish--but in monstrous portions. By using food as a security blanket all these years, I had lost touch with how much (or little) I needed to eat.

The first step to shedding the excess weight was to reduce the number of calories I consumed. I enlisted the help of the free website www.calorie-countcom to help keep me in a 1,500 to 2,000 calorie-a-day range (and since it analyzes recipes, I can cook what I want in the right amounts). Then I began measuring and weighing my food. A digital scale taught me what reasonable portions look like. I was shocked to discover I was eating three times more than I needed to--sometimes as much as 3,500 calories a day.

The most important step I took was committing to 45 to 60 minutes of exercise a day, either at the gym or on three-mile hilly walks in the country. I knew I couldn't do it alone so I signed up for personal-training sessions at my local Y, and that's where I met Malcolm Milton, former iron man, and tough-love teacher. Much to my surprise, I never miss a session with him--not only because they're bought and paid for but also because I enjoy working out with a master. Milton ensures I use free weights and Nautilus machines correctly and effectively, and keeps me motivated.

It's been nearly a year since I made all these changes--and I've lost about 45 of the 60 pounds I had gained. Of course, my story isn't unique. There are plenty of women, including those profiled here, who struggle with food. Their stories can inspire us to find a healthy way to cope with difficult emotions and situations and focus on our well-being.

ABBY: Changing Patterns

A SELF-DESCRIBED HEDONIST, Abby Ellin, 39, spent her adolescence bucking pressure from her mother and grandmother to eat moderately. Her grandmother once refused to let Ellin visit her after Eilin gained 10 pounds. "She wanted a thin granddaughter, which she equated with beauty. She believed society would judge me harshly if I were overweight." The adult Ellin acknowledges that society is hard on heavy people, but the teenage Ellin was hurt by her grandmother's rejection.