Ties that blind: working for loved ones can be the best or worst experience of your life

Residential Architect, March, 2003 by Cheryl Weber

As clients go, architect Mark Simon's mother was one of his most aesthetically adventurous. In 1973, fresh out of Yale Architecture School, he designed an underground house for her in Vermont. "She claims she asked for a tower," says Simon, FAIA, of Centerbrook Architects in Essex, Conn. So 12 years later, he designed another house for her on Long Island, N.Y., with a prominent octagonal tower. "I have found my family and friends to be in the upper echelon of clients, in their attitude toward me, in their equanimity, in their politeness," he says. "Maybe because they know me and trust me a little more."

After a year or more of shepherding custom-home clients through design and construction, you might start thinking of them as friends, or even family. Maybe you've had dinner together, shared theater tickets, or had a passionate discussion about why a material they wanted didn't work with your design ideas. Although architects sometimes develop relationships with clients that go on for the rest of their lives, chances are even your most faithful clients have never seen you in braces or dressed for the senior prom, taken a vacation with you, or attended your wedding.

The potential risks, and rewards, rise when you're working for someone with whom you have very close emotional or social ties. Parents remain parents forever, but the balance of authority and power tips when their house is in your hands. You know your brothers and sisters so well, yet perhaps not as well as you thought. And so many things complicate working for friends. There's the risk that you'll disagree or that if something goes wrong you'll never be friends again. Another worry is how much to charge, offering them a good deal while still giving them the value they deserve. "It's a tricky proposition," Simon says. "If you don't handle it just right and set up expectations just right, you could ruin the friendship."

matchmaking

If love is blind, friendship also has a way of blurring issues architects wouldn't think of leaving unresolved with a professional client.

Normally, someone wanting to hire an architect would interview three or four people and base their choice on who best meets their needs for design and cost. But a friend or family member skips that step.

"We specialize in a pretty contemporary approach to architecture, says David Hacin, AIA, Hacin and Associates, Boston. "Sometimes we'll have to say to a friend who wants a traditional house, 'I really appreciate your coming to us, but we're not the right choice. If you want to work with us, please buy into our approach as well.' That conversation has to happen because they haven't gone through the weeding-out process where they're picking someone for specifically the right fit."

Natalye Appel, FAIA, Natalye Appel Architects, Houston, agrees. "There has to be a basis for working together, other than being close friends," she says. "You have to have a heart-to-heart talk to make sure you know what their expectations are in every way, from design sensibility to budget to time frame. It's not like we have trepidation once we think it through."

money talking

The responsibilities you have to clients are somehow heightened when it's your best friend across the table. And money can be one of the most stressful parts of the relationship. Lars Peterssen, Domain Architecture and Design, Minneapolis, has done several projects for long-time friends, in some cases working long hours he never charged for so they could avoid sticker shock. "You feel extra conscious of every minute you spend on their project," Peterssen says. "But you don't want it to be a gift, either."

The problem is that perceptions about cost and value are relative. And once an architecture practice is established, attempts to do work for special people on the side often result in a half-baked effort. Randy Brown, AIA, Randy Brown Architects, Omaha, Neb., says that when he bills his family at cost, they still think it's way too much. "If they're not paying for it, they don't see any value in an architect's services," he says. "If we do all this work for way below market value, then they don't have the education to know what real costs are. They still think, 'Wow, we spent so much money.' It's a danger that's hard to resolve."

By contrast, architects who draw a professional line find that it puts the architect-client relationship on equal footing. Randy Mars, AIA, Randall Mars Architect, McLean, Va., currently is designing a house for his family in Charlottesville, Va. "My brother-in-law says he wants to pay full fees so he will feel comfortable being critical," Mars says, though he admits to twinges of guilt for charging regular fees to family.

Hacin thinks that's the right idea. "That's really the trick," he says, "making your friend or family member comfortable enough to tell you things they would typically tell a professional to whom they were paying significant fees." He has a family-and-friends rate that's one or two percentage points lower than his usual fee, but he evaluates those rates on a case-by-case basis. "The financial issue is less for some clients that I have as friends," he says.