"Marc's little brother has Down syndrome. Marc is in my fifth-grade class. He avoids his brother or pushes him away. Is there something I can do to help?"

Instructor, Oct, 2004

Talk About Differences. Siblings of children with a disability or obvious difference often struggle with their fears about how peers may respond. While feelings of embarrassment and anger may be what show on the surface, your student could probably use some direction on how to support his brother. Spend some time in class focusing on the ways we can all learn to appreciate the differences among us and then perhaps correspond with the fifth grader in a journal that addresses his personal situation. A little direction and empathy can go a long way!--Jaynelle Nestle, Casis Elementary School, Austin, TX

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Share Knowledge With Your Students. I found that the best way to address this issue is to suggest to the parents and the fifth grader that they as a family present information to the class about Down syndrome, along with any personal information they feel comfortable sharing. Many parents welcome the opportunity to educate others on a subject so important to them. The fifth grader may want to give suggestions about how the class can greet his brother in the hallway or on the playground. Once the "secret" is out, he is validated in his role as brother, and your students have invaluable information for understanding diversity. Hopefully, the younger brother will have an entire class looking out for his well-being on the playground.--Jane Lierman, Oak Creek School, Lake Oswego, OR

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Keep it in Perspective. Almost all fifth graders struggle with peer relations and some degree of sibling rivalry. A fifthgrade boy may display embarrassment, frustration, and even cruelty towards any younger sibling. He may resent family responsibilities or be uncomfortable expressing fondness for a sibling in front of his peers. At this age, kids often need help sorting out their feelings and using language instead of actions (hitting, shoving, etc.) Consider asking the younger brother's teacher to observe the two to learn how it may be affecting the younger child. I would also have a private conversation with your student, tell him your concerns, and really listen to how he responds.--Dawn Flowers Thompson, Clara Barton #2 School, Rochester, NY

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Dr. Brodkin responds:

I agree with the observation that fifth graders often struggle with a new urgency about their peer standing and, as a result, suffer embarrassment over family members, with or without special needs. We may miss this point if we turn to didactic instruction about any particular disability, which in this case happens to be Down syndrome. I would not be in favor of doing a classroom study or of bringing in the family. Remember, we are dealing with an age group that is easily embarrassed; we don't want to add to the fifth grader's discomfort. On the other hand, if the teacher can establish a trusting relationship with this child, she can help by explaining to him that being different is not shameful and point out that his brother enjoys many of the same things that all kids enjoy. With the parents, the teacher can raise questions about her student's understanding of his brother's situation. Has it been explained to him in terms that make sense to him? In my view, openness and readiness to raise and respond to any question at all belongs in the family, not in the public forum of the classroom.

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Dr. Adele Brodkin is a child psychology expert and the author of Fresh Approaches to Working With Problematic Behavior (Scholastic, 2001).