Our Turn: The Good News About Women and Divorce

Aging, Fall, 1994

Our Turn: The Good News About Women and Divorce, by Christopher L. Hayes, Ph.D., Deborah Anderson, and Melinda Blau. Pocket Books, 1993. 293 pp. $22 hardcover. One in every four divorces involves a woman over 40. This book reports on a study that shatters commonly held beliefs that divorced middle-aged women are deeply wounded by their divorces, lonely, living through their children, or desperately seeking another husband. In fact, the study, based on interviews with hundreds of women, shows that most divorced older women are finding that divorce can be a catalyst for self-discovery, change, and growth. Far from being downtrodden -- despite a substantial drop in income for many -- many divorced older women are exhilarated by the task of forging new identities as single women and are strengthened by the support they receive from other women.

Handling finances may be one of the most difficult challenges a woman has to face in the aftermath of a divorce. What happens during the legal process to women who have abdicated responsibility for their financial lives during marriage? Is it possible to separate finances from feelings? "From bargaining with adversarial ex-spouses to hiring and handling of lawyers to slogging their way through the legal process, women are disadvantaged," say the authors. "However, some do better than others, and from those women we hear valuable lessons about getting an equitable financial settlement." The experience of divorce is like mourning a death, the authors conclude, but the end of a marriage can also lead to an entirely new life for women.