Teens break no-sex vows, study suggests; some say oral sex not sex

Christian Century, Dec 27, 2003

Signatures on most sexual-abstinence commitment cards may not be worth the paper they are written on, according to a recent study. A survey by Northern Kentucky University revealed that 61 percent of students who made abstinence promises broke them. And of those who said they kept their pledges, 55 percent indicated they participated in oral sex.

The survey queried 597 Northern Kentucky students, 16 percent of whom made pledges not to have sex until marriage. The study noted, however, that pledge-breakers delayed sex for a year longer than nonpledging teens--until an average of 17.6 years old. But pledge-makers who became pledge-breakers were less likely to use protection, such as condoms, when first having sex.

While the survey represents only a small segment of the population, it offers some of the earliest research into the effectiveness of virginity pledges. Angela Lipsitz, a professor at Northern Kentucky University who was involved in the study, said the information should serve as a warning sign. But further study is needed before nationwide conclusions can be drawn, she said.

"To me it sends up cautions," she added. "I would say we need to be skeptical at this point. It is only one study. I would say this is showing some interesting things, but I would like to see them replicated."

Richard Ross, a spokesman for the grass-roots abstinence effort True Love Waits, indicated that the survey's findings did not surprise him.

Following the enormous popularity of True Love Waits, the government started funding more than 200 abstinence programs that are used in the majority of school systems across the country. According to Ross, these efforts often consist of a short lecture about reasons for abstinence and a request for students to sign a piece of paper in a notebook. There is sparse follow up and time pledge carries little weight, he said.

Ross said True Love Waits is more effective because it adds an element secular efforts lack--God: "Promising to God is extremely important to most young people." True Love Waits works through local churches and with families, said Ross, who started the movement at Tulip Grove Baptist Church in Nashville in 1993.

Additionally, large True Love Waits events--like stacking the pledge cards up to the roof of the Georgia Dome in Atlanta or collecting pledges at the upcoming Olympic Gaines in Athens--provide celebratory occasions that help teens know they are not alone in their commitments, Ross said.

But the other question raised by the survey was whether "having sex" has been limited to vaginal penetration. Young adults appear to be turning to oral sex as a way to remain sexually "pure" as they wait longer for marriage, according to sexual-health experts.

Dallas psychologist Dan McGee and Joe McIlhaney, director of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin, said oral sex is becoming an increasingly popular alternative to vaginal sex, especially among teens.

They fight their sexual desires longer because they are marrying later, said McGee, director of Counseling and Psychological Services for the Baptist General Convention of Texas. While it was the norm for earlier generations to marry in their early 20s, young people are now commonly getting married in their late 20s or early 30s.

Observers also argue the social stigma that was associated with oral sex has lessened. Though McGee remembers his generation viewing the act as perverted or primarily practiced by homosexuals, younger adults view it as acceptable behavior in the wake of the Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky affair. Like the former president, many teens and young adults believe oral sex is not really sex.

Rather than narrowing the definition of sex, young adults need to broaden it greatly, warns McGee, a clinical sexologist. Not only is oral sex sex, but so is any sexual touching with the intention of arousal, he said. "Just because the president of the United States says it isn't sex doesn't make it so," he said.--ABP