Intruder in my arms: stressed-out mothers

Christian Century, April 19, 2003 by Debra Bendis

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife.

By Peggy Vincent. Scribner, 336 pp., $25.00.

Having Faith: An Ecologist's Journey to Motherhood.

By Susan Steingraber. Perseus Publishing, 288 pp., $26.00.

I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother.

By Allison Pearson. Knopf 337 pp., $23.00.

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood.

By Naomi Wolf. Doubleday, 326 pp., $24.95.

WHEN I LAST DELVED into the culture of pregnancy and motherhood some 20 years ago, Americans were engaged in a widespread critique of the medical establishment. Women were rejecting a passive role in childbirth and affirming the value of women's instincts and collective wisdom. They challenged routine procedures such as the episiotomy, the use of pain-killing drugs, and the use of forceps, which sometimes resulted in damage to the newborn.

This was the era of the natural childbirth movement. Some babies were born at home, and some under water with strains of Bach in the background. The father became an important partner in the birth process, joining the mom for training in Lamaze, for lessons in breastfeeding (La Leche League), and then in the delivery room.

Peggy Vincent was one of the childbirth revolutionaries. Trained as a nurse in the 1960s, she decided to become a midwife after watching a women in labor resist painkillers and bed confinement until both were pressed on her by hospital staff.

Clad in her Birkenstocks and traveling around Berkeley, California, in her VW bug, Vincent shared the humor and tears of childbirth with lesbians, unmarried teens, Hare Krishnas, prostitutes and Christian Scientists. She tells the sometimes graphic stories of those births in Baby Catcher, defending along the way the expertise and intuition that midwives bring to pregnancy and childbirth.

After the ferment of the '70s, one might assume that women would no longer defer to technology or doctors, but would trust their own choices and instincts. From now on, medical "advances" would be evaluated by enlightened moms, dads and doctors, who together would decide on the mother and child's best interests. Right?

Wrong. It appears not all is well in America's obstetric clinics, nor with the women who frequent them. A bevy of books on pregnancy, delivery and motherhood chronicle the current generation's dismay, frustration and loneliness. Consider the titles: The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood: Coping with Stress, Depression and Burnout; The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Everything and Why We Pretend it Doesn't; and Life After Birth: What Even Your Friends Won't Tell You About Motherhood.

The consistent theme among these authors is that they were unprepared for the challenges of pregnancy and motherhood. They did not expect the pain of labor, the frustration and humiliation of fertility procedures, the trauma of Cesarean surgery, the loss of their independence--or all of the above. These women seem to have great advantages when compared to women of previous generations or Third World countries or U.S. inner cities--access to the best medical help, committed husbands or partners, advanced educations, good health and economic comforts. Yet they are unhappy, shell-shocked and angry.

Naomi Wolf interviewed moms about their birth experiences and quotes them throughout her book, Misconceptions: Truth, Lies and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood.

"We should have been told [how bad it would be]."

"No one prepared me ... for the pain, for a forced march of exhaustion ... for the fact that nothing happened the way I had hoped in the hospital ..."

"I wish someone could have let me know I would lose my self in the process of becoming a mother ..."

Why is motherhood such a nasty surprise? Where does the deception come from--and who is to blame? Almost everyone, according to Wolf. A popular guest on radio and TV talk shows, she is known for her flamboyant critiques of American society, such as The Beauty Myth, an attack on the standards of beauty imposed on women.

In Misconceptions, Wolf assails the myth of the "effortlessly ever-giving mother." She warns that the myth keeps women "from negotiating what they need from their partners and society in order to mother well." When they can't get this help, mothers "sacrifice themselves in the process." Wolf shoots darts at those who've contributed to the myth: a book on pregnancy and childbirth, men who don't share in the responsibility and sacrifices, and "culture" in general.

Wolf performs one service in this otherwise blustery and egocentric book: she alerts us to dangerous trends in the obstetrical business. In the well-heeled urban clinics like the one that Wolf and her husband chose, she is surprised to find none of the innovations of the '70s. There are no midwives assisting, no birthing chairs and no soft lights. Epidurals and episiotomies are standard fare again. Fetal monitors--the belts that were criticized for restricting the movement of the laboring mother--are back not for the baby's safety, but because they protect doctors from lawsuits. It would seem that while medical facilities are offering state-of-the-art technology and efficiency, they are again doing so at the expense of the mother and child's well-being.