The Real You

Ebony, August, 2001 by Bobbi Roquemore

"Claim three hours for yourself and do whatever you want to do," she says. "It's wonderful, and I turn out to be a much happier person."

It also helps, experts say, to start a program of regular exercise. Engaging in physical activities boosts the body and self-esteem.

"Exercise is one of the most valuable tools that we have," Rev. Mann says. "Not only does it keep us fit physically, but also allows us to work off frustration and think' things through ... You can meditate while you're running, swimming, jogging, dancing, whatever. That also gives you a creative outlet to express yourself."

If a job situation is the source of your unhappiness, consider a career makeover. However, Spane suggests that people thoroughly explore the potential new career before actually making the move.

A vacation might be the right remedy to refresh the spirit. Just make sure you can afford it.

As for other drastic action, such as packing your bags and moving, Spane and Williams urge caution.

"You have to decide if that's warranted or if you're just running away," Williams says. "Only you can decide, but that's where the stepping back comes from. You think about it, you pray about it."

And, Spane adds, "Sometimes it does take something dramatic to make people change, but more often than not, it's some little thing, some small change that you make. It can be so minute that most people won't even know you've made the change. But you'll know."

BE PREPARED TO MAKE TOUGH DECISIONS

Nobody says it's going to be easy, so be prepared for setbacks and trials.

"I would advise anyone going through the process that, to avoid backsliding, you might have to get rid of a couple of people," Williams says. "If that means being alone for a while, so be it, but after a time God will send you someone. Be positive."

If you still find yourself feeling blue after attempting to upgrade your life, it might be the sign of a deeper issue that would best be handled by a professional.

"Sometimes rediscovering yourself involves finding out things about yourself that may not be related to your job or career," Spane says. "They may be related to your past or something going on with you personally. In that regard, I think a counselor would help address those kinds of issues."

ENJOY YOURSELF ALL OVER AGAIN

Once you're stepping to the rhythm of a new beat, your self-confidence and your life will improve dramatically, experts say.

"Some of the signs are going to be peacefulness, balance in your life, health, having loving relationships, attracting people who you're going to love and who are going to love you," Mann says. "All of those things are going to show up in your life if you're living up to your authentic self."

Williams, the book author, says the seven years of celibacy have been crucial to her redevelopment. Now, she says, she's whole, and she's ready to date again.

"Now I have proven to myself that I can do it and that I'm not a bad person," Williams says. "I'm actually a good person with a good heart. Now I can look at exploring the heart side of my life again ... I look back on that Donna back then, and I feel so much for her. But I'm not that same person anymore."