Some like it hot! How to heat up your love life

Ebony, August, 2004 by Nikitta A. Foston

Stop! Feel the luxurious softness of silk dance against your skin. Absorb the enchanting, smooth sounds of jazz floating in the air. Inhale the enchanting scents of romance as they encircle you, surround you and bring you closer to the one you love.

It worked for Anna Collier.

The 32-year-old Midwest financial manager, who had become bored with the traditional" dinner and a movie," wanted to do something different but special for her boyfriend of two years. "We both work long hours during the week, so when the weekends come, I want to make the most of it," she says." I know what he likes, so I decided to create an indoor summer rendezvous, just for the two of us. I opened the door in a short red-laced gown, high-heel red pumps and a room full of rose-scented candles. From the moment he walked through the door, it was all about us."

Some couples are choosing to visit a nearby resort or spa to create a memorable weekend together. Others are being more adventurous, purchasing plane tickets for a romantic getaway to a tropical island that contributes to the idea of turning up the heat in the relationship.

Kyle Levinson, a 33-year-old real estate professional, says that making the most of summertime heat starts with catering to your partner. "For men, romance begins with what we see. First, we see something stimulating and then our desire follows. We are very visual beings, and we respond to visual stimulation much more than women," he says. "So when a woman opens the door wearing a sexy outfit, it speaks to me in a language that I hear clearly and immediately. It's those visual expressions of intimacy that mean the most to me."

But when it comes to intimacy and creating passion in the midst of summer's heat, many women agree that less is more. "The focus should be on sensuality, not sexuality," says 31-year-old educational consultant Torryn McGregor.

Along that line, men, just like women, should take steps to dress for the occasion by wearing appealing and provocative outfits. Additionally, for a man who's seeking to please the woman in his life, it's a good idea to find out what the woman's likes and dislikes are. "You've got to know her favorite food, her favorite color, favorite scent and what puts a smile on her face," says Jay-Lewis Deere, who has been married for just eight months. "When it's hot and steamy outside, she doesn't want to tell you what she likes or what turns her on--she expects you to know," he adds. "I know that my wife loves lavender and tangerine scents, so I lit up the entire house with the aromatherapy candles of the same scent. Then I placed lavender and tangerine scents in her bubble bath and massaged her back with lavender-and-tangerine-scented lotion. Not only did it soothe her after a long day at work it made her more relaxed and more interested in connecting with me that evening."

While connecting, it is essential, couples say, to minimize distractions and isolate yourselves from the intrusions of everyday life. "Unplug the phone, turn off your cell phones, turn off your pagers and pull down all the shades in your house," says Ken Panton, president of eCityofTravel.com." A night for you and yours must begin and end with just the two of you."

For both men and women who are trying to turn up the heat in their love life this summer, consider the smaller things that can be done on a daily basis. "People would be surprised by just how far a little thoughtfulness goes," says Collier. Simply picking up a card from the store that says 'I love you,' or calling in the middle of the day to whisper 'sweet nothings,' or sending flowers 'just because,' says so much to the one you're with. It's not always the big things, but the smaller things that mean so much."