Nothing Wrong With Doing Better - obstacles on the path to self-improvement - Brief Article

Ebony, Sept, 2001 by Kevin Chappell

BEEP, beep, beep, beep. I had only 20 seconds left to rinse 20,000 suds off my car. Holding the sprayer like a machine gun, I began to panic. I ran around to other side, frantically shaking the nozzle as if that would make the water come out faster. But it was useless. The suds had an unbreakable grip on my car. The more water I sprayed on them, the more they grew. Soon, the bubbles turned into foam and the foam expanded like some sort of space-age experiment gone terribly wrong, like some God-awful creation out of a bad science-fiction movie.

And to think, I had passed by the full-service car wash because I wanted to give my car a good cleaning this time, not one of those conveyor-belt washings that merely removed the surface dirt for a day or two. I wanted to shine the tires, clean the seats and floor mats, clean under the hood, and top it off with a good coat of wax.

But now, before I could do any of that, I had to first get this blanket of white soapy slush off my car.

I reached into both pockets, hoping to find another quarter that would buy me a little more time. But no such luck. As the last second ticked off the clock, and the last drop of water dribbled out of the nozzle, I felt victimized, snookered, taken for a ride. As I stood there, I pictured some mad scientist in a lab somewhere laughing hysterically as a lifetime of experimentation finally paid off--he had invented suds with the strength of 1,000 suds, "supersonic" slush that he could sell to car washes around the world.

With only a $20 bill in my pocket, I looked around desperately hoping to find someone who could make change. But no one seemed eager to help. In fact several Brothers at the car wash even laughed at my predicament, one telling me, "Man, I'd just leave it like that. It's not like it's a new car. A little soap suds won't hurt it."

The whole experience that day reminded me of the way life itself can be when you try to get yourself together, try to give some aspect of your life a good cleaning. If you've tried it, you know how little help you get in your endeavor at personal improvement.

In fact, there is no easier way to ensure obstacles in your path or to rile up a bunch of naysayers than to announce that you are trying to improve some area of your life. Try to lose weight, and folks will come out of the woodwork to discourage you. Try to stop drinking, try to stop smoking, try to get in shape, get some religion, get a better job, get a degree, get your relationship on track, and inevitably you will run into those who will attempt to demoralize you, demean you, and dishearten you. And if they don't get you, the ex-girlfriend, the wild former classmates or the bumping Super Bowl party surely will tempt you to go back to your old ways.

Try to go back to school and you'll hear story after story, like the timeless one about the guy who worked all day and went to school at night, hoping to one day get his college degree. Instead, he ended up having a heart attack right there in class. "Too much stress," they usually say, most times as they shake their head.

Back when you were hanging at the club all Saturday night, and at home with a hangover on Sunday morning, you never had that problem. Back then, everybody loved you. Back when the only thing worse than your dead-end job was your dead-end relationship, everybody loved you.

But as soon as you try to do better, as soon as you try to give yourself a good cleaning, the very people who you thought were your friends, the very people who you thought were on your side, many times are the first to tell you how hard it will be to change your ways.

Indeed, the road to self-improvement is a lonely one, filled with self-doubt, self-realization and just plain realizations. It is especially lonely for Brothers who some people believe aren't supposed to want to better themselves. Women in general, and Sisters in particular, take pride in attending self-help classes, learning how to get in touch with their inner spirit, learning how to be happy with themselves, how to please themselves, how to find inner peace. But no one ever encourages Brothers to seek the same goals. Many times it seems that society is too busy pointing out our faults to encourage us to do anything positive.

There will always be people in your life who don't want to see you do better, who don't want to see you clean yourself up. Almost everyone has ulterior motives. For some, seeing you struggle makes them feel good about themselves, their life. For others, they see profit in your pain. But whatever the reason, and whoever or whatever your nemesis is, it or he or she should only serve as motivation to you.

When you are successful in accomplishing what you have set out to accomplish, when you make yourself a better person, despite all of the obstacles out there in your way, there is no greater feeling in the world.

I eventually got the change I needed to finish rinsing off my car. I shined the tires, cleaned the seats and floor mats, cleaned under the hood, and gave my car a good coat of wax. Oh, I'm sure everything would have been fine if I'd listened to the Brothers at the car wash, and drove away in my sudsy car. The foam would have soon fizzled out and my ride would have been relatively clean. And everybody would have been happy.