Hollywood's Epidemic Of Mid-Life Marital Crises - celebrity weddings - Brief Article

Ebony, Sept, 2001

ALTHOUGH many mature celebrity couples are singing "Call Me Gone," the latest of Patti LaBelle's hits, other mature lovers are "Taking a Chance on Love" and re-marrying for the third or fourth time in one of Hollywood's most turbulent episodes of mid-life marital crises.

Some of the high-profile stars who have been involved in breakups include singer Patti LaBelle, after 31 years of marriage; actor Danny Glover, after 18 years of marriage; singer Diana Ross, after 14 years of marriage; and Montel Williams, after seven years of marriage.

Celebrity couples who are making major marital adjustments include Natalie Cole, who is engaged to Bishop Kenneth Dupree and plans an October wedding in Nashville; Gladys Knight, who this spring married William McDowell, her fourth marriage; and Gregory Hines, who is introducing bodybuilder Negrita Jayde of Toronto as his fiancee.

Is it mid-life madness? A full moon? A wholesale millennium relationship dumping--out with the old and in with the new? What's going on with seemingly stable couples disintegrating and mature men and women in the 50 and older group marrying younger men and women?

It's none of the above, according to Dr. Alvin Poussaint, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. "People who are performers have to juggle a whole lot," he says. "I'm surprised their marriages have lasted so long." He says the unique challenges that celebrity married couples face put an undue amount of pressure on a marriage. "They are on tour, on the road, maybe for many years they have been going their separate ways." Reacting to years of slowly growing apart, he says, some couples decide as they grow older that they don't "want to die this way."

Also a more permissive society with a more open attitude toward divorce has "made it more acceptable to say no to unhappiness," Poussaint adds.

Patti LaBelle's story seems to echo Poussaint's comments. She told Jet magazine that she and her husband were complete opposites. "Being opposite kept our relationship going, but sometimes you get tired of being like night and day and you grow separate," she says. "This was the right thing to do for both of us."

In her first release of the 21st century, When A Woman Loves, many songs mirrored her personal situation, but she says that was just a coincidence. The "in-your-face" attitude of the song "Call Me Gone" was a highlight of the project. "Hey, when it's over, it's over," she said in a press release for the new album, adding: "Sometimes a breakup can allow the two people involved to get to know each other better as friends."

Being friends and partners, as well as lovers, is the key to a fulfilling and long-lasting marriage, says relationship therapist Dr. Audrey B. Chapman.

"A lot of people, get married and they, don't have the skills for problem-solving," she says. "People end up screaming and yelling and hollering and by the time all of that stuff goes on, people say; `I'm outta this.'" Her new book, Seven Attitude Adjustments for Finding a Loving Man, offers some positive suggestions for problem-solving in relationships. A major suggestion to move from hostile conflict to positive connection is to turn down the volume, tone down the attitude and reduce the tension in marital arguments. "Couples need to take a more compassionate approach--we can be angry and not make it a personal attack on the person."

Chapman says celebrity marriages face more challenges than married people who are not in the spotlight.

"Hollywood wives probably have very little time to devote to their partners in the first place," she says. "They have a whole career going and a lot of stuff going on in their lives," she says. "I would imagine that ultimately that leads to a lot of arguments over who deserves what and how come you stayed that extra week on tour, etc. Not to mention the whole general lifestyle where you're around a whole lot of pretty people."

Hollywood couples need to "protect and insulate" their relationships, Chapman says. "Some people get so caught up in the awe of that lifestyle that by the time they realize what they are doing, it's too late," she says. "Family life is important and the children are important," she says, adding she admires couples like "Denzel and his wife who are doing a decent job in protecting their relationship."

Celebrity women seeking love in mid-life have more opportunities than women not in Hollywood, Chapman says. She says regular Black women over age 50 hesitate to end a marriage because they know they, will probably be alone for the rest of their lives. "Women in the real world know that marriage is not that easy and it's not that easy to pick up one relationship and throw it away." Celebrity opportunities to find love might be different because of status and money, she adds.

Poussaint says the opportunities might be different, but he thinks it's fine for older celebrities, particularly women, "to look for something more suitable" in a relationship. "Sometimes in the past older women were afraid of taking a chance on love past a certain age," he says. "They feel confident now that they are still sexy."