Jada Pinkett Smith: redefining Hollywood stardom, marriage & motherhood

Ebony, Sept, 2004 by Joy Bennett Kinnon

And he for her. At an exclusive photo shoot for EBONY, Jada was tired, drawn and withdrawn--at first. She had just come off the road with her band, Wicked Wisdom, recorded a CD and opened for Britney Spears in Europe. But when her husband made an unexpected cameo appearance--fresh from the gym--her energy level perks up and she preens for him and the camera. Her eyes light up as he gives her a soft kiss, trying not to muss her freshly applied makeup.

The pair has been married for almost seven years now and has been together for 10 years. She remembers the date that she says she knew they would be together. "It was Feb. 19--that's the moment I said, 'Jada, you're going to get your life together, because this man called you and he needs you.'"

Neither Will nor Jada fit the idea of the conventional wife or husband, and that made for some rocky moments at the beginning of their marriage. "We have to teach our men how not to kill the woman that they fall in love with, because Will fell in love with the multifaceted, experimental courageous, go-get-'em woman," she says. "And in his mind, what he thought a wife was is not the woman he married."

Jada says they both had to let go of the fantasy marriage and redefine what a wife and husband is for their relationship. What makes their relationship work, in the minefields of Hollywood relationships, is their willingness to peel back the topcoat and deal with the unpolished truth of their lives.

Will is her best friend, she says. They are able to discuss everything and they discuss it until the issue is resolved. "That is the killer of absolutely every relationship--so many unsaid things and so many secrets," she says. "And I'm not just talking about things that people have done; I'm talking about the secrets of our emotional life. Truth is a straight edge. I tell him, 'Just cut me smooth and it will heal fast and easy'--the jagged cuts sometimes never heal right. If you allow things to fester it will kill and overpower everything beautiful that you have developed in your relationship."

Their relationship is constantly evolving and their time together is precious. She says they take their morning shower together and that's when they have major conversations about life.

"That time is so important for us, [before] we go to bed and when we first wake up in the morning," she says. "Every day, some part of your day, you better take time out and say, 'Baby, what did you learn today?'"

That kind of communication, she says, has kept their marriage strong. "What happens between me and Will is between Will and me," she says. "Because I can talk to him about anything, I don't need other people's ideas about what my marriage needs to be or what I need to do about certain situations." But she says she does bounce some things off the author Sister Souljah, one of her best friends and one of the very few people she will talk to. "Everybody needs a Sister Souljah in their life. She's one of the most intelligent women I know," the actress says. "Usually she and I kick around concepts and she's a great mediator. If you have somebody in your life who can do that, it's very helpful."