Long-Distance Love - couples who manage relationships although living apart

Ebony, Oct, 2000 by Kelly Starling

ANY relationship that succeeds is a blessing. It's easy to get lost in the everyday trials that sabotage some unions. But there are many couples who overcome those challenges and perhaps hurdle an even greater obstacle--long-distance love.

Among them are people like Courtland Bivens III, who drives from Alabama each weekend to see his wife Regina Lynch Hudson in Atlanta; Dr. Charles and Beverly Alston, who bridge the distance between Chicago and Phoenix; Stephanie Murphy and James Toussaint, who travel from Columbus, Ohio, to Dallas. Think that's far? Consider the trans-Atlantic commute of lifemates Felicia Mabuza-Suttle and her husband Earl Suttle. They journey back and forth, a distance of 8,421 miles, between Atlanta and Johannesburg, South Africa.

Visits, e-mails and telephone calls sustain these couples who admit they sacrifice some physical closeness. But they say what they gain means just as much: Faith. Strength that they can foil any odds. In these relationships, they say, there's no time to obsess about pettiness. Instead, you practice a different mantra: Make each second count.

There are days when they're lonely. There are moments when they long for a touch instead of a call. Still, their bond endures. Whether separated by an ocean or an outlook, the shortest distance between two hearts, they say, is love.

Atlanta to Johannesburg

In unison and in laughter, psychologist Earl Suttle and South African TV host Felicia Mabuza-Suttle rattle off the cities where they lived during the first 10 years of their marriage: "Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Bophuthatswana, South Africa; Fort Meyers and Fort Lauderdale, Florida; Houston, Texas; Charlotte, North Carolina, and Atlanta."

But that's only half of Earl and Felicia's saga. In the early 1990s when Nelson Mandela called for South Africans living abroad to return and help rebuild the fledgling nation, Felicia returned to the land of her birth. "I knew I could use television, a medium I had studied, to help in the rebuilding process," she says.

It was a tough decision for the Suttles, who are seen by many as the international poster couple for long-distance relationships. Their tearful farewells at Hartsfield International Airport in Atlanta have also brought tears to the eyes of the ticket agents and skycaps who have witnessed their emotional goodbyes for many years. After 10 years of this hectic, trans-Atlantic lifestyle, the couple says, the hard part is behind them. "The goodbyes are always the most hurting and troublesome," Felicia says. "I love my husband and daughters more than anything in the world. No woman in her true mind, who loves children the way that I do, who loves family the way that I do, would leave the family for any crusade. This is why I call this a crusade. You have to sacrifice something you cherish dearly. People don't understand the sacrifices. I made them because I [also] love my people."

A noted psychologist and consultant to the NBA and NFL, Earl, nonetheless, is Felicia's No. 1 cheerleader, lover, faithful companion and adviser. "Felicia is a bird that you have to give room to soar and fly. I am so proud of her and for what she has been able to do for her country," he says. "Remember, a bird always returns to its nest. Felicia entrusted me with the responsibility to raise our two daughters. As a man, father and husband, I took that challenge seriously."

Born in Soweto and educated at Marquette University in Milwaukee, where she earned degrees in journalism and communications, Felicia has developed into one of South Africa's most powerful Black women. She serves on a number of influential corporate boards, owns her production company that produces her top-rated weekly talk show The Felicia Show, which airs on e.tv, South Africa's new free-to-air channel. She also writes a weekly column for a local newspaper, is a much sought-after motivational speaker, has her own line of designer clothes--Felicia Classic daytime wear and Felicia by night evening wear. She also has her own designer eyewear and a best-selling autobiography Dare to Dream and a companion inspirational compact disc. A few months ago, she opened Back O' The Moon, a five-star restaurant and jazz club in Johannesburg. The couple own two luxury homes--a Georgian-style home in Atlanta and a hilltop, Tuscan-style mansion in Johannesburg's northern suburbs. "We have always talked about owning homes in America and South Africa," Felicia says.

The two met in Minneapolis in the early 1970s while Felicia was an exchange student and Earl was a counselor for the Milwaukee school system. They married in 1976. What grounds the Suttles, they say, is their Christian faith. And according to Earl, "old-fashioned family values. We're faithful and committed to each other. That core value is very important to us ... We steer clear of negaholics. We see these as below-the-line thinking people. Instead, we focus on our family goals; and that is Felicia and I want to spend the rest of our lives together."

But what about the downside?