Long-Distance Love - couples who manage relationships although living apart

Ebony, Oct, 2000 by Kelly Starling

That first year was rough.

"When I put him on that plane, I said, `What have I done?'" says Beverly. "I had this feeling, `I'm by myself now. Can I pull it off?'"

Beverly, who sacrificed her career to become a homemaker, busied herself with taking care of the kids and joining organizations. Charles, who always worked long hours, came home to their 17-room Victorian mansion in Chicago alone.

The couple found ways to make their marriage survive. They sent pictures. They called each other every day. On Sundays, they discussed lessons learned in church. The couple made their visits together special, eating dinner as a family and spending romantic evenings together.

"We've always been a very close family and we draw strength from each other," says Dr. Alston.

Beverly says they succeeded because they shared an understanding. When she married a doctor, she knew she signed up for a special life.

"I was never used to having him around from medical school to his residency to private practice," says the president of the Phoenix chapter of Jack and Jill of America. "He has never really been accessible. Some couples do everything together, but we've never been like that. It was easier for us to adjust."

Over the years, a routine has developed. The couple see each other on all birthdays and holidays. Beverly and the kids come to Chicago for the summer. They take cruises together as a family and as a married couple. For Beverly's birthday this month, they went on a 10-day voyage to Tahiti. That works out to a visit at least 10 months out of every year.

"It's hard when I know it's time to leave," she admits. "I feel a little melancholy. But I know I'll see him there or he'll see me here."

Beverly says she's also comforted by the fact that she's not alone.

"I found at least five Sisters in Phoenix whose husbands were in South Africa, in New York," she says. "It's not as rare as some people think. We have a sisterhood. They'll say, `Is your husband coming this weekend? OK, we won't call. See you when he leaves.'"

And she knows they won't be apart forever. Her oldest, Charles Jr., will be a freshman at Morehouse this year. Bruce, at 16, is next. Her daughter, Whitney, has four years until it's her time to go to college. On her trip to Chicago this summer, Beverly and Charles discussed their five-year plan. Maybe they'll move together to Atlanta and Charles will commute from there. Or maybe, they'll find another location. But Beverly's mind is made up that they will be together soon.

"This trip, I said, `OK, I would like to live with you again,'" she laughs.

Atlanta to Alabama

Regina Lynch Hudson had tried long-distance dating before. Years earlier, the travel writer journeyed between her Atlanta home and Washington, D.C., to visit a suitor. It didn't work out. He was trying to build a business. She was trying to build a life.

"When it's a long-distance relationship, there's a different focus," says the publicist. "You can't have someone trying to get themselves together and trying to make something work with someone else."