Long-Distance Love - couples who manage relationships although living apart

Ebony, Oct, 2000 by Kelly Starling

So when a friend tried to set her up with an engineer in Enterprise, Ala. (3 1/2 hours away), Regina demurred.

"At first, I was skeptical," she says. "In the South, people feel they're driving a long way if it's more than a half-hour to work. He had just moved from the West Coast where people are used to longer commutes. For him, the distance wasn't very far."

Still, she exchanged greetings and photos with the man on the Internet. Two weeks later, she agreed to meet Courtland Bivens III at an Atlanta jazz cafe.

"When Court's 6'4" frame entered the doors of Sambucca's on time," she says, "every woman in the place stopped dead in her tracks."

Enter romance. Court promised--and kept his word--to drive to Atlanta every weekend. They spent hours chatting on the phone and computer. Time apart was filled with work.

Regina says her main concern was not the distance, but whether the relationship was going somewhere. Last November, she got her answer when Court proposed. They married in April and returned from their honeymoon to two separate homes.

For some couples, that may have been too much. But Court says they spend a lot of time together. He still drives to Atlanta every weekend. Regina travels to Enterprise for about a week out of every month. They take trips together several times a year.

He says those moments help sustain him, but maintaining a long-distance marriage has its disadvantages. He worries about not being there if Regina gets sick or has an emergency. He misses holding her at night.

Regina counts the positives. "We have more communication than I've had with people I've dated locally," she says. "There hasn't been one night since the day we met that we haven't talked to each other."

This summer, they bought a home in Fayetteville, Ga. It will shorten Court's travel by one hour.

Both agree that long-distance marriages aren't for everyone. Theirs succeeds because of their flexible jobs and lifestyles. The husband and wife say in a few years Court will retire and they will live in the same city. But their sacrifices have taught them a lesson they will continue to embrace.

"A lot of people take mates for granted when they see them every day," Regina says. "This teaches you to put the best into a relationship and appreciate the person when you see him."

Dallas to Columbus

Bored with a Philadelphia club, Stephanie Murphy and some friends decided to check out a nearby party. James Toussaint spotted her when she arrived.

"I was standing outside when I saw her walk in," he says. "I told my friend I thought she was beautiful. Then I went over and started talking to her."

The pair shared a dance and rapped about their pastimes. James didn't think to ask where she lived.

"At first, I thought she was staying in Philadelphia," says the 33-year-old engineering technician. "When I found out she was in Harrisburg, it didn't bother me because it was just a couple hours away."

Over the next couple months, their romance grew and so did their travel. They would take turns driving between the two cities. When they became an item, the two would make the trek even on weekdays, departing after work and beginning their commute home as early as 4 a.m.