Parenting in the fast lane: Harry and Donna Coaxum balance high-powered, corporate positions with raising a daughter

Ebony, Oct, 2002 by Kimberly Davis

THE Coaxums of Naperville, Ill., do more before 7 a.m. than many families do all day, to borrow an apt phrase. No, Harry L. and Donna Coaxum and their 4-year-old daughter, Maya, aren't a military family. They're a busy and, in their words, "blessed" family making its way in the fast lane of life, balancing relationships with one another, along with work and school, and a commitment to community.

The Coaxums seem to be always on the move. From the time they all wake up (Harry Coaxum is often the earliest riser, usually around 5 a.m.) in their brick, two-level home in the Chicago suburbs to the time they find their pillows for some much-needed sleep at night, they are an active family unit.

Both Harry and Donna Coaxum have high-powered positions with large corporations and take turns playing chauffer for their daughter, who attends a Montessori school that focuses on foreign languages. They decided to apply for acceptance to the selective school to better prepare Maya for a future where being bilingual would be a bonus. Both parents play active roles in their daughter's education and seek to prepare her for a successful future.

"When she was about to turn 3, we knew that we wanted to prepare her for the next phase, and we thought that would be bilingual," says Donna Coaxum, senior counsel for OSI Industries in Aurora, Ill., who also has started an inspirational speaking business. "If you look at the demographics, in the future, Spanish is going to be spoken as much as English."

"What's important for us is to give her the strongest foundation, so that she can be--as I say--ready for the world," says Harry Coaxum, vice president, worldwide store operations for the McDonald's Corporation. "The reality of our country is that being Black and being female will bring some challenges for her. The notion is what can we do, in terms of supporting her growth, education and developments so that whatever challenges she faces, she'll be prepared."

Before Maya's school day begins, the family has to get up and get going. Depending on their schedules for the day, either Donna or Harry takes Maya to school. More often than not, it's Donna. And on the days when daddy isn't busy in the morning, he does the honors. Because he travels out of town on business sometimes, when he is at home, he wants to make it that much more special for Maya.

"If I have early-morning meetings, I'm out the door by 6:30 or 6:45," says the father. "If I don't have early-morning meetings, I'll take her to school later. It gives me an opportunity to spend time with her, because I am gone occasionally."

Most mornings, Donna gets up, goes to the family's finished basement and works out. Maya will often come down and watch or play while her mother exercises. Bathing Maya and getting her clothes ready at night leaves them more free time the next morning to do other things, including preparing lunch, faxing important documents or putting the finishing touches on a crucial work project.

By all accounts, Maya is an extremely bright little girl, who sometimes appears to be more than 4 years old. At first meeting, you get the sense that she is a couple of years older, with a more serene bearing than many her age could muster. She knows how to program the microwave (with supervision, of course), and does reasonably well with brushing her teeth and cleaning her body. Her parents help her complete the tasks.

The same 4-year-old girl who admonishes her parents to keep their seat belts buckled until the car comes to a complete stop is the same little girl who likes to watch cartoons, eat fruit candy, play with the tea set in the kitchen and have her father routinely measure her growth on the bedroom door.

Despite Maya's rapid maturity, the Coaxums say, they do all they can to let her know and understand that she needs them--and will continue to need them for a while. Independence can only go so far as it doesn't interfere with their being a family.

"Sometimes, we have to set boundaries for her, to let her know that she's only 4," says the mother, who graduated from Purdue University and received a law degree from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Her husband agrees, and says, "We strike the best balance we can in teaching her, educating her, and giving her some freedoms to do some things.... I think she's starting to learn a little bit more about the interdependence that comes with being part of a family."

The Coaxums have worked hard and are committed to spending as much time together as their schedules allow. That, they say, is probably one of the most difficult parts of their familial relationship, finding the time to be together as a family.

Harry Coaxum sometimes has to travel as part of his job and Donna Coaxum, who also travels, sometimes has important work projects that take up many of the hours she would otherwise spend at home. In addition, Maya will soon be ready to start ballet lessons and gymnastics to enrich her childhood. Fortunately, they say, Donna's mother, Freddie Bunch, lives nearby and is available to baby-sit or host Maya at her Chicago home during the times when Maya's parents' schedules get extremely hectic.