What all of us need to know about rape and sexual assault: every man should realize that no matter how he interprets the situation, no means no … And it doesn't matter how long you have been involved with the woman - For Brothers Only

WITH so many people talking and talking and talking about sexual assault, and with the very real possibility of so many people not understanding exactly what it is, perhaps now is the perfect time to focus on educating Brothers about sexual violence in the Black community, debunking the myths associated with it and highlighting the life-altering consequences that can surface as a result of it.

Sexual assault is an emotional lightning rod, sometimes creating shades of gray because of the he-said-she-said aspect that often comes into play. But some things are clearly black and white, things that are consistent in law enforcement. And every Black man--young and old--should take note.

Any unwanted sexual contact achieved by force is sexual assault, and that includes rape. By simple definition, rape is sexual intercourse without a woman's consent, chiefly by violence, threats or deception. But history has shown that there is an undying belief among a large group of men who have defended their actions by saying: "Her lips said no, but her body said yes."

Every man should realize that no matter how he interprets the situation, no means no! That's the law! And it doesn't matter how long you have been involved with the woman who says no. It doesn't matter what you have done for her, or are doing for her. It doesn't matter if you have been intimately involved with her before. It doesn't even matter if you are her "baby daddy." According to the laws of the land, the history between the two of you is no defense, so if you become sexually involved with a woman after she says no, then the courts say you are a rapist.

Along that same line, there is a jail cell that has your name on it if you believe in the so-called "point of no return." There is a popular but unsubstantiated theory that's embraced by many who believe that once a man reaches a certain level of sexual excitement, there's no turning back-even if the woman changes her mind just before penetration. There is no medical evidence that says a man can't stop his advances at any point prior to the actual act. So if there's no consent, and you proceed anyway, your repeated exclamations that the two of you "had gone too far" won't be enough to keep you from being arrested, shackled and thrown into prison--possibly for life.

Furthermore, in this unique era of video violence against women, scantily clad video divas and the public's desensitization to crime, a new wrinkle has been added to the fabric of illegality, with some men using the act of rape as an element of initiation and acceptance. It's a part of the demented notion that committing a crime such as rape gives you "street credibility." But, Brother, think about it! While you're trying to show your "boys" that you belong, chances are you'll end up peering from behind bars while those you were trying to impress continue to enjoy their freedom. So, do you need a blind-as-a-bat red sign to show you that this is nothing but a dead end?

This, however, is not a green light for a rush to judgment on all rape cases. A Brother and Sister are presumed innocent until proven guilty. We need to remember that. And as we proceed, don't forget to respect the beauty of womanhood. But more importantly, don't forget to respect yourself!

COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group